The Questions That Can Change Your Conversations

One of the skills of effective conversations is something you can begin implementing right away. This skill is called a process perspective and it involves questions that can change your conversations. While we may have been communicating since before we could form words, the process is actually quite detailed if we hope to be successful. One of the most elementary ways to begin is to start paying close attention to your own behavior and that of the person with whom you are talking.

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Questions can play an important role in our relationships.

We can (and should) ask them of the person we’re dating, before we decide to get engaged. When we are getting to know someone, there are lots of topics to cover to really move beyond the surface.

It’s also important to ask clarifying questions when talking with friends and family. When we use these types of questions we are trying to understand the other person better.

Sometimes it can be challenging to get our kids to talk, and the right questions can open them right up! I’ve seen this work time and again with my own kids.

Today’s questions, however, are ones you ask yourself.

Ask Yourself

There are lots of questions that can change your conversations. These questions get at our motivations and desires for conversation.

•  Who is saying what?
• Why?
• When?
• Are you following a script?
• Who initiated the script?
• How are you feeling about the conversation?
• Are you using good communication skills?
• Does the person seem to understand you?
• Do you truly understand the other person?
• Are you thinking about other things while they talk?
• What expectations did you have about this conversation?
• Are those expectations being met?
• Do you need to make changes in the conversation?

Yes, that’s a lot of questions! You don’t have to consider all of them in every single communication moment.

Just be aware that these are the sort of elements you want to be paying attention to, in general. None of us will attend to every one of these questions in every situation. These are just some questions to consider as we begin studying our communication in important relationships.

What Next?

Once you can identify what’s happening in the process of communication, you can begin to make any changes necessary to facilitate a successful interaction. Do you need to silence your phone? (The answer for most of us is probably a resounding, “YES!”)

 Maybe you need to set aside your other concerns so you can listen better. Perhaps you need to end the conversation so you can take care of other business and connect with the person later when you can give her your full attention.

How It Helps

Being able to observe and identify what’s happening in your interactions is a simple but important step to becoming a better, more Bible-aligned communicator.

Your relationships will benefit from this little bit of self-awareness. Asking yourself questions that can change your conversations can have a direct impact on your relationships.

Even if you do nothing about it yet, you will be exerting some self-control in your relationships.  Any time I can work on the Fruit of the Spirit, I take it as a win! (The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. This fruit’s description is found in Galatians 5:22 if you want to read more about it.)

Peace,

🌸 Andrea

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