When to say yes, and when to say no

“No.” That was my answer. I just got home from a long week helping my mom while she was in the hospital following an emergency. The two-day drive home was exhausting. I had less than one hour before turning around to get our son from wrestling, and take him to jiu-jitsu, where he would be until 830 at night. Then we needed to eat. And there was a pile of clothes on the bed that my husband lovingly washed while I was gone, but didn’t get to put away. He asked if I could get his dinner ready while he took a shower to get ready for his night shift at work. I explained that I needed to get the laundry put away and I had no idea where the food was, since I’d been gone all week.

He left to get his own dinner ready. Ouch.

We’re told to say no

The last few years it seems Christian women are being strongly encouraged to say “no” more. Some articles focus on avoiding busyness while others give us the step-by-step process for how to say no.

And I don’t disagree. Sometimes we “yes” ourselves into so many commitments that we simply can’t get it all done, leaving us exhausted and resentful.

Context matters when we say yes

I think the key is to know the context. What’s most important to God? Obviously, He comes first. We should be giving Him the firstfruits of our day. When we start our day with God, we are more likely to continue the day with Him.

What next? This is where life gets complicated. Our marriage should come next. And this is where things get tricky. Most of us put the kids’ needs, “self care” needs, and work needs ahead of our spouse. Eek. This is true for most married women I know. And it’s true for me. While I want to say yes to my husband, generally he gets my no because I’ve said yes to so many other people. And I’m not just talking about sex here. This may mean washing his scrubs or getting his dinner ready. It might mean calling the insurance company or getting dog food.

Saying yes and marital submission

Saying yes to our husband can be part of healthy marital submission. It can also lead to a love and connection we’ve never felt before in our marriage. I have a wonderful close friend who spent years putting everyone else before her husband and she was miserable in her marriage. God began to work on her heart. And she began to put God first and her husband second. Her marriage is now a beautiful haven in this rough world. And it started with saying yes to her husband.

Priorities

Once we have said yes to God and our husband, we can then look to our kids, our work, and the larger world (friends, neighbors, etc.). Pray before answering. If the Spirit leads you to a no, then say it. If the Spirit leads you to yes, then say it. But let the Spirit lead you. Yes and no are powerful words. We want to say them in line with what God has planned for us.

Strengthen your marriage

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No matter what you do, consider saying yes to your husband today. Try it once. Then again. Before long you’ll be connecting in wonderful ways and building a stronger, more healthy marriage.

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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