Roommate Life Begins at Home

Last Updated on December 10, 2024 by Andrea

Communication skills – good and bad – are first learned at home. Those skills then translate to a roommate relationship when our kids leave home and go their own way. In the long run, the foundation we give them lasts a lifetime. Even if they don’t have the “right roommate” the skills they learn at home directly affect their roommate life.

As parents we demonstrate skills and then our kids pick them up through observation and experimentation. In a perfect world we are setting a good example for how to communicate well. I know you want to be a better communicator because you are here at Dr. Andrea Towers Scott to learn. If you want to be a good communicator, practice these skills and trust that your kids are observing and mimicking them.

Home Skills = Life Skills

After our kids learn communication patterns and habits at home, they leave for college and use those same skills with their roommate. Our life experiences directly affect how we see the world, and they do the same for roommates. It may take a couple of weeks to iron out some preliminary differences, but with time the roommate relationship can be one that is rewarding.

As the verse above demonstrates, we should communicate with our kids and friends the way we want them to communicate with us. Then our children learn to do the same thing. They then communicate with their roommates and friends the way they want to be communicated with. And the cycle continues. When we teach these skills we are setting up to start on the right foot.

Some skills our kids learn at home include:

• knowing our own mind
• listening skills
• the value of silence
• the value of prayer in communication
• putting others first
• speaking clearly
• setting limits
• confirming what someone is saying
• gratitude

Basic Skills:

Once our kids are off to school or job and out of the house, they will likely have a roommate for a while. If they have no siblings and this is the first time they’ve had to live with someone else, I’m sure it is quote a shock for them! A new roommate relationship can be very challenging. I know we all want our kids to have good experiences. They may not be best friends with their new roommate but at the very least they are meeting new people and sharing a living space. A good roommate experience is largely built upon clear communication.

These are some basic skills our college student should be using in their new living situation:

1. First, know what they want. Help them decide what’s important and what’s not. Don’t know what needs to be considered? Check this list out.
2. Next set expectations. Don’t want to share food? It’s a good idea to be clear and not wishy-washy. A simple, “I’d prefer not to share food” or “I like being in charge of my own food” works fine. Be sure to identify what are common areas and what are private areas. Also be clear about such things as household chores, dirty dishes, and who buys cleaning supplies.
3. Listen. If your child is unclear what their roommate is really saying, encourage them to ask. “Are you saying you’d like to share whatever food is in the apartment?” That’s a simple way to confirm what is being said. Little things add up, so start with good listening skills.
4. Also encourage them to try to see the situation from the other person’s POV. Everyone’s life experiences are different. Even saying something like, “wow, sounds like there’s a story behind THAT!” can get someone talking to help you understand better. Encourage them to look for similar interests while also respecting others’ personal space.
5. Then pray before talking, while you’re talking with them, and every day. God has a perfect plan and can make even challenging roommate situations a blessing. Aren’t sure how to pray? Try this prayer:

ROOMMATE PRAYER:

Dear Lord, thank you for giving me this roommate at this time in my life. I thank you for the gifts we each bring to our shared home. Please guide our conversation today that we would understand each other and make decisions that honor each other and You. Please help us to understand each other when we disagree and respond with kindness. In Jesus’s name, Amen

Roommate Agreement

While not necessary, a roommate agreement can be a great way to solve a lot of issues. Just take available time and make some decisions. The agreement can be adapted over time.

A roommate agreement is an invaluable tool for college students navigating the challenges of shared living, and as parents, encouraging your child to create one can set them up for success. College marks a period of growth and independence, but living with someone new often brings conflicts over boundaries, cleanliness, guests, and finances. A well-crafted roommate agreement helps prevent misunderstandings by clearly defining expectations for shared spaces, responsibilities, and behavior. It’s a proactive way for your child to establish open communication and mutual respect with their roommate, fostering a more harmonious living environment.

As a parent, you want your child to thrive emotionally and academically in college, and a roommate agreement can play a significant role in that. Unresolved conflicts can lead to stress and distractions, which may impact their academic performance and overall well-being. By encouraging your child to have this conversation with their roommate at the start of the year, you are equipping them with essential skills like conflict resolution, accountability, and compromise. These are not only crucial for a successful college experience but also for life beyond the dorm room.

In conclusion…

The bottom line is the best way you can prepare your child for their new life with a roommate is to model and teach successful communication skills. While small things like listening and knowing how to handle conflict may seem insignificant when you are at home, they will be monumental when they have a shared house or apartment with someone else.

When your child goes off to school they will be prepared to share their space with someone else (or several people) and start their new life with confidence.

What is the best thing you taught your kids to prepare them for living with roommates? Tell us in the comments section below!

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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Be well!

🌸 Andrea

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