Roommate Life Begins at Home

Last Updated on August 1, 2023 by Andrea

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Communication skills – good and bad – are first learned at home. Those skills then translate to a roommate relationship when they leave home.

Our parents demonstrate skills and we pick them up through observation and experimentation.

Home Skills = Life Skills

Then we leave for college and use those same skills with our roommate. This is particularly true if we had a sibling at home!

If YOU are the parent, your kids are watching you. They are observing what you say and how you say it (nonverbal communication) and will begin doing as they see.

As the verse above demonstrates, we should communicate with our kids and friends the way we want them to communicate with us. Then our children learn to do the same thing. They then communicate with their roommates and friends the way they want to be communicated with. And the cycle continues.

Some skills we learn at home (and can still be teaching our at-home kids) include:

• knowing our own mind
• listening skills
• the value of silence
• the value of prayer in communication
• putting others first
• speaking clearly
• setting limits
• confirming what someone is saying
• gratitude

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Basic Skills:

Once our kids are off to school or job and out of the house, they will likely have a roommate for a while. I’m sure we all want our kids to have good experiences. A good roommate experience is largely built upon clear communication.

These are some basic skills our college student should be using with their roommate(s):

1. First, know what they want. Help them decide what’s important and what’s not. Don’t know what needs to be considered? Check this list out.
2. Next be clear about expectations. Don’t want to share food? Be clear and don’t be wishy-washy. A simple, “I’d prefer not to share food” or “I like being in charge of my own food” works fine.
3. Listen. If your child is unclear what their roommate is really saying, encourage them to ask. “Are you saying you’d like to share whatever food is in the apartment?” That’s a simple way to confirm what is being said.
4. Also encourage them to try to see the situation from the other person’s POV. Everyone’s life experiences are different. Even saying something like, “wow, sounds like there’s a story behind THAT!” can get someone talking to help you understand better.
5. Then pray before talking, while you’re talking with them, and every day.God has a perfect plan and can make even challenging roommate situations a blessing. Aren’t sure how to pray? Try this prayer:

ROOMMATE PRAYER:

Dear Lord, thank you for giving me this roommate at this time in my life. I thank you for the gifts we each bring to our shared home. Please guide our conversation today that we would understand each other and make decisions that honor each other and You. Please help us to understand each other when we disagree and respond with kindness. In Jesus’s name, Amen

While not necessary, a roommate agreement can also solve a lot of issues. Just take available time and make some decisions. The agreement can be adapted over time.

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Be well!

🌸 Andrea

PS Did you find this article helpful? I am honored for you to share it with your friends and college-aged loved ones 💖