5 Ways to Understand an Introvert Personality

Last Updated on December 17, 2024 by Andrea

* As an affiliate, I may earn a small amount at no extra cost to you from qualifying purchases made from my website. Thank you for supporting my small business!

We all know her…

She sits by herself looking like she doesn’t want to be there.

Social interactions seem to make her frazzled.

She avoids small talk.

She’s on her phone and not making eye contact. When you do try to talk to her, she’s not very friendly.

You walk away to talk to people you know better.

Someone remarks about her. Someone else says, “She’s such a _____.” Fill in the blank.

In high school she was a loser or stuck up. Today we might say she thinks she’s better than us. Or a b****.

Maybe it’s been you. You attend an event where you don’t really know anyone. Social situations really your thing. You would rather have alone time reading a good book or watching Netflix – anything but making idle chit chat with people you barely know. You care about people – it’s just tough to get outside yourself and make those early connections.

Where are you in these examples?

Did you see yourself in one of these? I’m definitely the second one! New situations drive me crazy. I’d rather discuss Trump or other meaningful conversation than make small talk. I would rather jump right into knowing someone than work through the, “Where do you live?” “What do you do for a living?” “Do you have kids?” conversations. Social events drive me nuts. Any fellow introverts out there?

All during my school years a lot of people said I was stuck up and that I thought I was better than everyone else. I really didn’t – I just didn’t connect well every time. Rather, I feel deeply and small talk is too superficial for me. I prefer spending time talking about deep issues. Large groups stress me out. The extrovert world makes me very tired. My extroverted friends try to understand, but I know it’s tough.

It took me years to realize that despite my ability to give a speech to thousands of people, I’m an introvert. And I’m okay.

Introvert truths:

1. Energy Restoration: Introverts recharge by spending time alone or in low-stimulation environments. Socializing, especially in large groups, can be draining, even if they enjoy it in moderation. They prefer their own company and will often find a quiet corner in a crowded room.
2. Depth Over Breadth: Introverts tend to prefer meaningful, deep conversations over small talk. They value quality over quantity in their relationships and often have a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances.
3. Internal Processing: Introverts are introspective and often process thoughts internally before speaking. This might make them seem quiet or reserved, but they’re likely reflecting or carefully choosing their words. Introverts have a rich inner world – and they may tell you about it if you give them time to warm up. This likelihood to process first means they tend to have good listening skills.
4. Sensitivity to Stimulation: They may feel overwhelmed in noisy, crowded, or chaotic environments. This sensitivity can make them seek out calm and peaceful spaces to thrive. They do not want to be the center of attention and are happy helping out or being on the sidelines. I’d always rather serve in the kitchen than be out in the crowd!
5. Need for Independence: Introverts often enjoy working alone or having time to think and create independently. They value self-sufficiency and can be deeply focused when given space to work on their own terms.

In Sum…

At the end of the day, being introverted doesn’t mean introverts don’t know how to talk to others. Just that it drains them. I am NOT energized by a day of talking to people…even though I specialize in how to do it.

Introverts often know how to talk to people. Contrary to popular belief, they aren’t necessarily shy or lonely. They just don’t like it – it doesn’t come natural to them. Introverts want to get to know people, they just take time to process communication and events before engaging.

Introverts have lots of good things to say and are quite likely very intelligent. You just have to crack that outer layer to get to those qualities.

Three tips for talking to an introvert:

1. Give Them Time to Respond: Introverts often think before they speak. After asking a question or starting a conversation, give them space to process their thoughts without rushing them. An introvert’s mind is a complex place because they process everything deeply. Give them time to work through it all.
2. Engage in Meaningful Topics: Skip the small talk when possible and dive into subjects that matter to them. Asking about their interests or passions is a great way to build a connection. Don’t think they are a boring person because they don’t like small talk. Rather, take their quiet presence as a sign they want to talk about something that is meaningful.
3. Respect Their Need for Personal Space: If an introvert seems quiet or withdrawn, it doesn’t mean they dislike you or the conversation. They might need a break or time to recharge before re-engaging. Different environments affect people differently so respect that they may just need a change of scenery. Ask if they want to walk outside to talk or excuse yourself to give them a break.

Next time

So, the next time you are at an event and see “her” sitting by herself, bring her a coffee and ask about her favorite Netflix show or book she’s been reading. Ask if she likes to bake or what she does for hobbies.

Try moving beyond the small talk nonsense and you may just begin to see the real woman lurking under the seemingly shy exterior.

She’s not trying to be rude – she’s just trying to be herself in a sea of extroverts.

Sale & Savings at King Arthur Baking

Blessings,

🌸 Andrea

Did you find this post interesting or helpful? If so, please share it – you can use the social buttons below.

When friends share posts they are telling Google that the site is worth showing to others – and that helps build my small business. Thank you for sharing!