How to Prevent Sibling Rivalry
Last Updated on October 25, 2023 by Andrea
Siblings and rivalry go together like peanut butter and jelly.
It doesn’t have to be that way, though (but please don’t take away my PB&J – I love it!). While rivalry happens year-round, it can peak during the summer when kids have more time on their hands.
Are you tired of your kids not getting along? Are you ready for them to stop competing for your attention?
Read on for my #1 tip to avoid sibling rivalry…
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Sibling Rivalry Looks Like…
The sibling relationship is wrought with conflict (Proverbs 17:17). If you have a brother or sister you probably remember times of struggle.
I’ve long maintained that the single best preparation for marriage (living forever with someone different from us) is having siblings. We live for years with this person and have to learn how to share space and time without wanting to send them to Siberia.
Why Do Siblings Fight?
Siblings fight about everything from injustice (even if it’s only a perceived injustice), parental love and attention, rights, stuff, privacy, friends, food…pretty much anything in their world! And honestly, that fighting can wear on us!
Some parents intentionally pit one child against another in an effort to get them to fight for themselves. We see this when parents say, “Jose, you know you can run faster than your brother. Show him how it’s done.”
Others may unintentionally compare them, thus fostering a sense of sibling competition. This happens with statements like, “Jane would have gotten an A on that paper. What happened?”
However it happens, instilling a sense of competition is not always a good plan. While it may serve some purposes, studies show siblings already feel a sense of competition without our “help.”
The BEST Solution for Sibling Rivalry
The best thing we can do as parents is to encourage our children to be the people God made them to be (Jeremiah 1:5). His plan for them rests on the gifts He knit together in each child (Jeremiah 29:11).
Foster those gifts and they will be much more confident, likely to find God’s path for them, and less likely to fight with a sibling to be seen as “special.”
Rather, each will know that they bring something unique to every situation.
That knowledge can (eventually) lead them to work together instead of against each other. Even if it doesn’t prevent rivalry overnight, we aren’t out anything to encourage them to be who God created them to be (Psalm 139:14).
Additional Resources:
I love this book. James Dobson does a great job presenting the balance of encouragement and discipline in the framework of God’s love.
I love Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Language books and this one is no different. Backed by scientific research these ideas can truly impact how we connect with our children.
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What tips and tricks do you use to avoid sibling rivalry? Share with us in the chat.
In love,
Andrea 💖
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I am an author, speaker, and communication professor. My specialty is teaching people how to have successful, faith-based relationships. My passion is to teach people how to live out Scripture in healthy relationships, especially at home. I've been married for 29 years and have two boys - ages 19 and 15. I love to bake to show my love, so you'll sometimes see favorite recipes!
I agree. Finding and embracing our unique gifts helps us feel more confident and less likely to lash out at others. I also find that scheduled one-on-one time with each child helps them compete less for attention.
So true, Julie. That one on one time is crucial! Thanks for leaving a comment.