How to Help Your Kids to Get Along

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Why Does It Matter If Our Kids Get Along?

Encouraging our children to be the people God made them to be (Psalm 139:14) is important and in doing so we can potentially reduce sibling conflict. When children feel valued for who they are as a person, they are less likely to try to compete with each other – and that reduces fighting. Less fighting means a calmer home – and we all want that! A relationship between our kids is even more important as they get older – they become a good resource for each other and they can support each other when inevitable life tragedies happen.

What makes each child special?

The best way to help our kids get along is to set the example. To start, we identify their individual gifts and talents. How did God make each of the special? What unique skill set does each one have? Identify it and tell him/her often!

For instance, my oldest worked very hard at school, even though he had a rough road due to ADD and a few learning disabilities. But we praised him for his hard work. Over time his younger brother came to see this part of his brother’s personality helped him in life. LIkewise, my youngest has always been a very passionate person – he feels things very deeply. While his older brother was frustrated by this at first, we helped them both to see that this exuberance can serve him well for committing to tasks and to resisting people that are a bad influence.

Acknowledge those gifts out loud and in front of other sibling. Once we establish their individual gifts and talents, they can begin to see the gifts and talents in their sibling(s). Over timy our boys began to compliment each other when they saw those traits in action. They were less likely to point out things they didn’t like because it was easy to find something good to comment on. Did this happen overnight? Sadly, no. But it did happen with time and diligence, and it can help your family, too.

Encourage Them First

Next, Encourage your children to encourage each other (Romans 12:10). Take time alone with each child to coach them on how to lift up their brother or sister. You can say something like, “Machai, your brother is really worried about his math test tomorrow. Can you give him a boost?” Then pay attention for Machai to say something to his brother later. Hopefully it looks something like, “Hey Devin, I know you’re going to rock that math test tomorrow.” Yes, I know this sounds crazy. But I am here to tell you it works. Again, not over night. But my kids are living proof that these steps actually do help our kids to know how to encourage each other for a healthy relationship with less conflict and fighting.

Gratitude is another way siblings can encourage each other and discourage fighting. When someone acknowledges the someone else’s efforts, their heart is softened. Something simple like Jackie saying to her sister,

“Pamela, thanks for cleaning up your side of the sink, I really appreciate it.”

It’s pretty simple and straightforward. If this isn’t your style, this may take some getting used to. Encourage them to keep trying (1 Peter 4:8)! The best way to do this is to begin as a parent. Support and show gratitude. It takes some advance thinking at times, but it’s totally worth the effort! You’ll notice the change over time. As it becomes a habit, then move to teaching your kids how to do it. I promise it’s time well spent!

Additional Resources:

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• This is one of my favorites. I read it when my kids were small and it truly helped me understand the sibling relationship much better. Keep the siblings, lose the rivalry

• I haven’t read this one yet but it’s on my list! Siblings without rivalry

• I once knew a young boy who screamed and fussed very loudly! Once he learned the lessons I teach here, he learned the world was not as bad as he thought. This looks like a cute book for teaching the same lesson. Penelope Windpipes
• I love this one because it’s grounded in solid research. Peaceful parent, happy siblings

I hope this helps. What strategies do you use to help your kids encourage each other? Tell us below in the comments section, I’d love to hear!

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In love,

Andrea 💜

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