3 Secrets to Encouraging Your Child’s Self Concept

Last Updated on October 3, 2023 by Andrea

• I feel like I need to begin by reassuring you this article about self concept is not some “feel good all the time” post. I’m not advocating we encourage our children to be out of control. (Tim Hawkins’ “allergies” bit comes to mind.)

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Self Concept

Rather, I’m saying that God made our children the way they are on purpose (Psalm 139:13). He has a perfect plan for their lives (Jeremiah 29:11). The world is going to tell our kids they aren’t enough – not good enough, skinny enough, fun enough, smart enough, happy enough, serious enough, hard working enough, “bad” enough…you get the idea. (The same is true for you 💕)

You may wonder what self concept is to begin with. Self concept is the image we have of ourselves. It directly affects our well being – the image we have of ourselves, the value we place on ourselves, and what the vision we have of our best self (read more here).

If we don’t support our children to be who God made them to be, who will?

LOVE & Self Concept

So how do we support our children’s positive self concept?

Here’s the bottom line. Love your kids. Love your kids while knowing that very few other people will love them JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

Sure, we try to curb their “bad” habits and foster “good” ones.

We try to help them make good decisions and have safe, healthy relationships with a healthy self concept.

We want to teach a good work ethic and shape a life they can eventually live outside our home.

Examples of how to love them where they are

But the bottom line helping improve their self concept is to love them right where they are at. Not sure what that means?

• “I love you” Always works.
• “Thanks for noticing I’m having a rough day. You’re always good at tuning in when I’m upset.”
• “Great job choosing an apple for a snack today!”
• “I see you working very hard to keep on top of your homework this year and I’m very proud of you.” Sure, there may be other things you’d like to “fix” about his work at school. Save that. For now, just encourage what he IS doing.
• “Thanks for taking time to play with your sister today. I know she really enjoyed having you to herself.”
• “That shirt looks great on you, Suzy. It really brings out your blue eyes.”
• “Thanks for bringing the garbage cans up from the road without being told. You’re really being more responsible lately.”
• Spend no-pressure time with them doing fun things.

Consider a gratitude journal for yourself and your kids.

Gratitude, Love, Reinforcement

Gratitude, love, & reinforcement – these are all forms of encouraging who our kids are as people and supporting a healthy self concept.

There’s a time for correction and a time for encouragement. Sometimes they co-occur but often we can also pull out times to just encourage them.

Find something to reinforce who he or she is as a person, the good choices and actions he or she is making, and acknowledge it.

Resources:

In my opinion, we can’t go wrong with Tony Evans. His Biblical wisdom is so sound and clearly presented. Raising kingdom kids

Creative ways to love ALL the parts of your child. How to really love your child

Adult children need love too! Dr. Burns presents a great communication focus to this book. Doing life with adult children

I’m a big fan of Gary Chapman’s Love Language books. I find the truth in them every time I put these ideas into practice! The 5 Love Languages of children

While they may act cold and prickly, teens are crying out for our love. 5 Love Languages of Teenagers

Many teens don’t know how to show they love someone, so this is a great guide, also by Dr. Chapman. A teen’s guide to the 5 Love Languages

Take home:

When you talk with your child next time, remember gratitude, love, & reinforcement

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🌸 Andrea

For general types of encouragement in all your relationships, read more here.

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