3 Secrets to Encouraging Your Child’s Self Concept

Last Updated on January 28, 2025 by Andrea

• I feel like I need to begin by reassuring you this article about self concept is not some “feel good all the time” post. I’m not advocating we encourage our children to be out of control. (Tim Hawkins’ “allergies” bit comes to mind.)

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Introduction

As parents, we play a pivotal role in shaping our children’s understanding of who they are and what they’re capable of achieving. Meeting their emotional needs is a critical part of this journey, as it lays the foundation for a healthy self-concept. From offering emotional support during challenging moments to celebrating their efforts in new experiences, our actions as primary caregivers deeply influence their confidence and resilience.

By fostering a positive outlook and modeling positive self-talk, we help our kids see the good things within themselves and the world around them. In this article, we’ll explore simple, practical ways to nurture a strong, healthy self-concept in our children so they can grow into confident, emotionally secure individuals.

Self Concept

God made our children the way they are on purpose (Psalm 139:13). He has a perfect plan for their lives (Jeremiah 29:11). The world is going to tell our kids they aren’t enough – not good enough, skinny enough, fun enough, smart enough, happy enough, serious enough, hard working enough, “bad” enough…you get the idea. (The same is true for you 💕)

You may wonder what self concept is to begin with. Self concept is the image we have of ourselves. It directly affects our well being – the image we have of ourselves, the value we place on ourselves, and what the vision we have of our best self (read more here). A healthy self concept is generally related to a healthy self-esteem (the positive or negative view we have of ourselves).

If we don’t support our children to be who God made them to be, who will?

LOVE & Self Concept

So how do we support our children’s positive self concept?

Here’s the bottom line. Love your kids. Love your kids while knowing that very few other people will love them JUST THE WAY THEY ARE. This is true for young hicdren as well as older teens. Yes, there are new skills to learn but the most important way to help our kids have a positive self-image is to lvoe them they way they are.

Sure, we try to curb their “bad” habits and foster “good” ones. And it takes hard work to help shape our child into the person God made him/her to be. We need to set realistic goals for ourselves and our kids. But instilling a positive self-concept doesn’t have to be difficult.

We try to help them make good decisions and have safe, healthy relationships with a healthy self concept.

We want to teach a good work ethic and shape a life they can eventually live outside our home.

Examples of how to love them where they are

The bottom line helping improve their self concept is to love them right where they are at. Not sure what that means?

• “I love you.” This always works.
• “Thanks for noticing I’m having a rough day. You’re always good at tuning in when I’m upset.”
• “Great job choosing an apple for a snack today!” (Because it’s healthy not because of their weight.)
• “I see you working very hard to keep on top of your homework this year and I’m very proud of you. Good job!” Sure, there may be other things you’d like to “fix” about his work at school. Save that. For now, just encourage what he IS doing.
• “Thanks for taking time to play with your sister today. I know she really enjoyed having you to herself.”
• “That shirt looks great on you, Suzy. It really brings out your blue eyes.”
• “Thanks for bringing the garbage cans up from the road without being told. You’re really being more responsible lately.”
• Spend no-pressure time with them doing fun things.
• Consider a gratitude journal for yourself and your kids.
• Recognize the unique qualities about each child and praise them! “Great job learning to build that forge, honey!”
• Your body language says a lot. Be sure it aligns with your words.

Gratitude, Love, Reinforcement

Gratitude, love, & reinforcement – these are all forms of encouraging who our kids are as people and supporting a healthy self concept. When we engage in these behaviors with our kids we are helping their positive mental health.

You see some of the suggested comments to make to your kids reflect on positive things they are doing. We are also encouraging them to have healthy relationships with their siblings and other family members. When we reinforce positive social interactions we are also helping them to be productive adults down the road. Positive reinforcement goes a long way to repeat behavior. We all want to be praised for what we do well!

Unconditional love is another key element to supporting our kids’ self-concept. Future success of our kids depends on the love we show them today. They don’t need to fear failure when we support them – whether they succeed or fail. Difficult situations your child experiences are great opportunities to show them how to respond in a way that is true to who he/she is as a person – as God made them to be.

Having a growth mindset is crucial for us and to teach our kids. When we believe that we can grow our talents, learn more, and develop those talents we have a growth mindset. It’s important that we teach this skill to our kids. When they learn they can persevere through a hard time and embrace new challenges, they begin to have faith in themselves and a high self-esteem.

There’s a time for correction and a time for encouragement. Sometimes they co-occur but often we can also pull out times to just encourage them. A supportive environment goes a long way to helping our kids to develop a healthy self-concept grounded in understanding who God made them to be.

Find something to reinforce who he or she is as a person, the good choices and actions he or she is making, and acknowledge it.

Resources:

In my opinion, we can’t go wrong with Tony Evans. His Biblical wisdom is so sound and clearly presented. Raising kingdom kids

Creative ways to love ALL the parts of your child. How to really love your child

Adult children need love too! Dr. Burns presents a great communication focus to this book. Doing life with adult children

I’m a big fan of Gary Chapman’s Love Language books. I find the truth in them every time I put these ideas into practice! The 5 Love Languages of children

While they may act cold and prickly, teens are crying out for our love. 5 Love Languages of Teenagers

Many teens don’t know how to show they love someone, so this is a great guide, also by Dr. Chapman. A teen’s guide to the 5 Love Languages

Take home:

When you talk with your child next time, remember gratitude, love, & reinforcement

🌸 Andrea

For general types of encouragement in all your relationships, read more here.

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