How to Build a Stronger Marriage by Encouraging Your Spouse

I. Introduction

My husband’s job has odd hours. He works in a hospital so his shift might be days, evenings, or overnights. He has some plans with our youngest at the end of the month, so in order to get a week off, he needs to work 9 days in a row. And with 11-hour shifts, that gets old. 

Today is on day 8. And he’s tired. He’s feeling like all he does is work. I know in two weeks he’ll be glad he did – he’ll have a week off and special time with Evin. But for now, it’s rough. 

My job as a wife is to encourage him through it. Marriage is hard. Successful marriages take grit and determination that are born from a desire to maintain the commitment we made. A successful marriage only comes when we build a strong relationship with our spouse. 

One way to build that relationship is to encourage him. 

We can encourage our spouse through effective communication skills like listening and using empathy, affirming his hard work and showing appreciation, supporting and encouraging his choices, and demonstrating trust and respect. 

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II. Communication 

Effective communication is a cornerstone of all successful relationships. When we communicate well we take the other person into consideration. One way we do that is to engage in active listening. 

When we use active listening skills we are paying attention to what the other person is saying as well as what they are NOT saying. We pay attention to their words, tone, and body language. When active listening we set aside our own needs and desires for hte moment to attend to our spouse’s needs and desires. 

Good communication also involves being emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence is simply being aware of emotions and feelings in yourself as well as others. When we practice those active listening skills, we’re paying attention to what our spouse is feeling. We want to understand their emotions. For instance, when I listen to my spouse talk about this long work stretch I can say, “that sounds exhausting.” Then wait for him to confirm it and say more. When we demonstrate that we understand someone’s feelings by showing empathy, they feel understood. And we all want others to understand us.

III. Affirmation and Appreciation

When I tell my husband I appreciate his hard work, I’m giving him appreciation for what he’s going through. My husband doesn’t usually respond when I thank him for working hard, but I know it means a lot to him that I acknowledge what he’s doing for us. 

We can express appreciation in lots of ways. I usually take the direct approach and simply thank him for whatever he’s done that I want to reinforce. Sometimes at the end of a long stretch of work I’ll make his favorite drink (an Irish coffee) when he gets home. Other times I’ll massage his back since I know that his back kills him after long shifts. These are all appreciation measures that work in my marriage.

Try a few things in your marriage and then do what works the best. 

Affirming our spouse’s decisions is another way to encourage them. We don’t have to agree with someone to affirm them. Recently my husband was making decisions about a front gate for our farm. He was showing me the various options. I asked questions about function, installation, and cost. I asked him which one he thought was best, then I told him that sounded like the best choice. I have no idea if it is the “right” choice – but it’s the one he feels is best so I support or affirm that decision. 

IV. Support and Encouragement

Being a team player is one way we show support for our spouse. Work together. Don’t talk bad about your spouse to others. Take daytime dates to talk about goals and how to reach them. Then work together to make them happen. 

Encourage your spouse to be the best version of himself that he can be. If he wants to eat healthier, help him out by making healthy foods and skipping dessert. Be sincere in your efforts for his success – whatever area of his life he’s working at. 

V. Trust and Respect

We build trust by being honest and acting in a way that they can count on. If you say you’ll do something for your spouse, be sure to do it. If they share information with you, don’t share it with anyone else. When we do these things we are building trust in our marriage. 

Likewise, respect is very important for our husbands. Most of the behaviors I’ve outlined here will demonstrate respect for your spouse. But make it intentional. REally focus on respecting what he does. The opposite of respect is contempt. When we talk bad about our spouse, when we’re making snide and sarcastic comments to him, we are showing contempt. Even if you disagree with something your spouse did, don’t tell the whole world. Pray first. Then let God tell you if this is something you need to discuss with him. If so, bring it up. If not, let it go. Handling your disagreement like this shows respect for your husband.

VIII. Conclusion: Encouraging Your Spouse

When does your husband need some encouragement? Pay attention to what he’s going through and then be ready. Listen well, show empathy from your emotional intelligence skills, affirm his decisions, show appreciation for his hard work, support his choices, encourage what he’s doing, act in a way that is trustworthy and respectful. 

When you do these things your spouse will feel encouraged and your marriage will blossom. 

IX. Your Turn

How do you encourage your spouse? Tell us in the comments!

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With love,

Andrea

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