Why Do I See My Spouse As The Enemy?

Marriage is hard.

Seriously.

It’s probably the most challenging relationship in my life.

Between differences of opinion on just about every topic to frustrating little habits that irritate like a pebble in a shoe, day-to-day marriage life is generally not filled with sunshine and roses.

More often than not, the days are filled with storms and thorns.

How We Cope

It’s very tempting to vent about all this with a friend or a sister. Because you know she goes through the same frustrations. It’s easy to blame it all on “men” and gripe through every little thing.

I get it. I’ve done it too. And sometimes it feels really good.

But here’s the thing. When we gripe about our spouse, we are treating him with disrespect. That disrespect erodes our relationship. When we see him after we’ve vented to our friend, we are still riled up and even more frustrated. Then when he does one thing remotely frustrating, we tell ourselves, “See, I was right. He’s impossible!” Then we pick fights, skip the kiss, and turn our back to him in bed. We are convinced that he’s our enemy, in large part because we’ve spent the day telling ourselves that very thing.

Remember, He’s Not the Enemy

The key is remembering that our spouse is NOT the enemy. Rather, he’s our teammate…our co-coach.

Psalm 37:8 tells us to turn from our anger. That means we give the anger to God instead of sharing it with our friend.

Likewise, Proverbs 29:11 advises that only fools vent their anger – wise people hold it in check. That means we take it to God and let Him resolve our frustrations. Paul tells us that this is part of taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5)

Maybe this means keeping a journal and writing it down to give it to God. I find a quiet walk in the country where I can talk out loud to God helps because then I’ve said what I have to say, but to God instead of another person. Try a few things and see what works best for you.

Marriage can be frustrating and difficult. But spreading that frustration to others only makes our spouse the enemy and destroys the precious relationship that God has given us.

Next time you feel frustrated, take a minute to share with God. Then turn back to your co-coach and remember that he really IS a blessing.

I hope this helps. Give it a try and let me know in the comments how it goes!

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Blessings,

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