What to talk about with your spouse

In the beginning…

When we first meet our spouse, it’s easy to talk. We talk about everything! Nothing is off limits. But then life…work, kids, in-laws, aging parents, sports, parent-teacher conferences, meals, housekeeping…the list is endless.

Healthy relationships are characterized by meaningful conversations. A good conversation is one in which you are both sharing and listening. When was the last time you sat down and really listened to your spouse?

It’s easy to forget what to talk about beyond those logistical task items. But life is so much more than all those life issues! The good news is it’s easy to jump start the quality communication for any long-term relationship.

What to talk about with your spouse

Having a list of questions to ask each other is a great way to re-open lines of communication in your marriage. As a relationship expert, I can assure you that asking these questions and really listening to the responses will reignite an intimacy that time has diluted.

Here are 25 thoughtful and fun questions to ask your spouse to spark meaningful conversation and connection. These are great conversation starters because they are open-ended questions that invite long answers. Remember the importance of listening. You want your spouse to talk a lot here!

1. What is your favorite memory from our time together?
2. If you could relive one day of your life, which would it be and why?
3. What is something you’ve never told me but always wanted to share?
4. What was your favorite date we’ve ever been on?
5. If we could travel anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?
6. What is something you admire about me that I might not know?
7. How do you feel we’ve grown as a couple since we first met?
8. What is a new hobby or activity you’d like to try together?
9. What’s one thing you think we could do more of to strengthen our relationship?
10. How do you envision our future together in five years?
11. If you could change careers for a day, what would you do?
12. What’s your favorite way to spend a relaxing weekend?
13. What is one goal or dream you still want to achieve?
14. If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?
15. How do you feel about the balance between work, family, and personal time in our lives right now?
16. What do you think makes a marriage thrive over the long haul?
17. What’s your favorite marriage advice from the Bible?
18. What was your favorite childhood vacation and why?
19. How can I better support you in your goals and dreams?
20. What is one thing you wish we did more often together?
21. What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn or improve on?
22. If money and time weren’t an issue, what’s the first thing we’d do tomorrow?
23. What’s a funny or embarrassing moment we’ve shared that still makes you laugh?
24. How do you feel most loved and appreciated by me?
25. If we could spend a day anywhere without distractions, where would you want to go and what would we do?
26. What’s something small I could do that would make your day better?
27. What’s your favorite Bible verse?
28. What Bible verse is most difficult to live out?
29. What are your top three favorite movies and why?
30. What advice would you give your younger self?

How to use the list

Use these questions as a guide – let them take you wherever they take you! Don’t feel like you need to get through the list as a race. It’s a journey htat (we hope) will last a lifetime. So pick a question and go find your spouse!

You don’t have to get to all the questions in one sitting. In fact, it’s best if you don’t! Plan to talk through one or two on a regular basis – including on your next date night!

Difficult conversations may arise from some of these questions. That’s okay. Pray before engaging in the difficult conversation and trust God to guide your discussion. All good communication like these questions will build emotional intimacy in your relationship as you relate on a deeper level.

Regardless of which questions you ask, I guarantee you’ll learn new things about your spouse, even if you’ve been married a long time. In the long run, these questions will follow you the rest of your life as answers change with time.

Remember…

Listening is important for good communication and so is body language. We sometimes think we know all about our spouse, but when we pay attention to their body language, we may realize we know less than we thought. Communication skills are much more complex than just opening our mouth and talking. Don’t forget the eye contact, too! Look each other in the eyes to show trust and sincerity.

Turn off your cell phone and the tv, make sure the kids are occupied, and find a quiet place to talk. My favorite time to ask questions is on a road trip. We are a captive audience for each other and for some reason, that’s when my husband is most likely to want to talk. You may want to familiarize yourself with your spouse’s love language so you can communicate in a way he/she will best understand.

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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