Waiting on God for a spouse

When I was single

I thought I’d never find the right person. Everyone said my future husband was out there, but I had no idea where he was. As a single woman, I felt like I stood out in a world of married people. Two guys I dated were great, and I figured if I could somehow merge the two, I’d have the man of my dreams! At God’s perfect time, the right one walked into my life. And he truly was a blend of the other two guys. Now, 30 years later, he’s still the one. I’m now living the future marriage I dreamed about all those years ago.

However, sometimes we are just single…whether for our lifetime or for a season. I pray this season of singleness is just that – a season. The Apostle Paul had a lot to say about being single. The important point is to stay focused on God while you are single. Focus more on God than on your singleness. God’s purpose may or may not include a spouse. But I know for a fact that His purpose includes you drawing closer to Him – the lover of your soul. And that’s a very good thing.

The perfect spouse

The perfect spouse doesn’t exist. I’m so sorry if that’s news for you. Even my spouse, who is perfect for ME, is not perfect. And I’m not the perfect wife, either. But God’s design IS perfect. God’s design is made knowing the big picture. We don’t see it, but God does. God knows exactly what we need and when we need it. His timing is perfect.

Even more important than who God has planned for you is having a healthy relationship. Far too many people are married but have unhealthy relationships. A healthy marriage is one in which both parties communicate what they really feel, listen well, handle conflict readily, have solid decision making techniques, and sincerely want to be together.

Scripture

Here are five tips for those who are waiting on God for a spouse, along with Bible verses to keep the tips grounded where they need to be – in biblical wisdom. God’s word is clear about what we can do while we wait on God for a spouse.

1.      Trust God’s Timing – it’s perfect!

God’s plan for your life, including marriage, happens at the right time. Trusting God’s timing ensures that you’re aligned with His purpose. Rushing ahead can lead to heartbreak, but waiting shows faith that God knows what’s best.

Had I rushed ahead and married the first guy who expressed interest (one of the two I wanted to merge into my ideal man), I’m not convinced that marriage would have worked out. While I wanted to be married, I knew that marrying him was not the right decision. I knew I wanted a better love story than the one being offered to me.

I know first-hand that this season of waiting is tough. It feel like we aren’t doing anything. And when you’re waiting it seems like time never passes! A season of waiting requires patience and dedication to God.

Scripture

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” — Ecclesiastes 3:11a

The book of Ecclesiastes is a book that’s all about timing. There’s a time for everything. Maybe a time to be single and a time to be married. Waiting on God’s timing – His perfect timing – is challenging. We can’t see what God is doing in the waiting. But He’s likely moving all the pieces around for your future situation to be just right. Not being able to see what He’s doing is frustrating, but we know He’s working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28).

2. Praying for a Godly Husband

Instead of focusing on finding someone quickly, pray for the qualities of a godly husband—someone who loves God deeply and leads with integrity. Let God shape your understanding of what to look for in a spouse. Waiting on God for our spouse means trusting Him with the qualities we are looking for.

What qualities are you looking for in a man of God? Good looks, I know. We all want a man who makes our heart stutter when he walks into the room. But there’s more to marriage than passion. That’s super-important, of course. But a good marriage is more than passion.

Do you want a man who reads his Bible? Goes to Bible study? Leads a Bible study? Puts others before himself? Opens the door for you? Shows you respect? Listens to you? Really tries to understand you? Demonstrates integrity and humility? One who perseveres? Will he value honesty and open communication? Does he practice forgiveness? While you work on this list, remember that it’s unfair and unrealistic to expect a man to meet all your emotional needs – that’s what God is for.

Give this list some thought. Pray about what’s most important to you. Look at characteristics of godly men in the Bible and see what stands out to you. Look at Joseph in Genesis, Moses in Exodus, David and Jonathan in I and II Samuel, Mordechai in Esther, Boaz in Ruth, Barnabas in Acts, Paul in all his letters to various churches, and more.

Scripture

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” — Psalm 37:4

What does it mean to delight ourselves in the Lord? “To delight in the Lord means to take great pleasure in His presence, to find joy in who He is, and to seek Him with all your heart” (Ed Newton). When we find joy and delight in what brings God delight, then we are in the sweet spot. God wants to give us good things. He wants to shower us with blessings. But these things take time. Our desires must line up with HIS desires. Trust the holy spirit to guide you in knowing God’s desires for you.

3. Preparing for a Godly Marriage

The waiting process doesn’t mean you are stagnant. While you wait, prepare your heart for a marriage that glorifies God. Cultivate virtues like patience, kindness, and humility, which are essential for a strong, godly marriage. The wait is also a time for self-growth and spiritual maturity.

Personal qualities to work on can come from the Proverbs 31 woman. There are lots of ways to go about modeling our life after her. Most importantly, acquaint yourself with her. Make her your best friend. While she’s a goal to strive for, she’s also very practical. The Proverbs 31 woman shows us what it means to be a wife and mother after God’s heart. Spend some time focusing on what it means for you to be a future wife for the husband God has planned for you.

Despite our best intentions, sometimes we focus on the person we want to marry and we forget to pray about the actual marriage. Let me tell you, marriage is hard! The best thing you can do is prepare for it. Communication in the newlywed stage is unique – get ready now! When we have spent time making ourselves ready to be a good wife, we can then spend time studying effective communication skills for your future marriage. Your future spouse will be glad you did!

Scripture

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” — Colossians 3:12

While these characteristics – compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience –  are in Colossians and not Proverbs 31, we see these qualities in her as well. We want to show compassion for others’ situations.

Being compassionate means that we listen to our married friend who might be struggling, even though we desperately want to be married. Kindness means responding with love to someone when we would rather lash out in frustration. Humility means that we put others before ourselves. We let others go first, we listen before we speak, we do what someone else wants to do. Gentleness means that we aren’t brash and aggressive. Rather, we speak our mind being assertive but focusing on God and not ourselves. Finally, we all know what patience is. And we hesitate to pray for it, given that God will likely give us situations in which to practice it! But patience is an important quality in marriage. Far too often I need to set aside my “rush ahead” nature and exercise patience with my husband and sons.

4. God Will Bring the Right Person

It’s easy to feel pressure to settle but trusting that God has the right person in mind for you will bring peace. The person God brings into your life will complement your faith and journey, aligning with His vision for your marriage.

If I had accepted the proposal from the first guy, I would likely not have the peace in my marriage that I do now. We must know and trust that God will bring us our life mate who will balance us and complement us.

I know, it’s tempting to look at every man and wonder, “are you the right one?” But don’t go down that road. Trust God to know and bring the man along in the right time. God’s will is perfect and good. Trust that! God’s blessings abound when we trust Him and take Him at His word. Not sure what that means? Spend some time reading the Bible – that’s His word for us…it’s how we get to know God better.

Scripture

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” — Jeremiah 29:11

God’s plans for us are good and will happen in His time. He plans to give us a future and a hope – He plans good things for us. He promises that! We need to trust His plan and His timing and His judgment about who the right person is for us.

5. Strengthen Your Faith in the Waiting Period

The waiting period is an opportunity to deepen your relationship with God. Lean on His promises, stay grounded in prayer, and trust that He will provide. This faith will not only sustain you during the wait but also build a foundation for your future marriage.

Our faith in God needs to be focused on God. Our faith while we wait on God for a spouse is more important than the person He will bring to us. A spiritual foundation is crucial for our own growth. When difficult times come, whether for us as individuals or during our marriage, we need to have a solid base on which to stand. Only Christ is our rock-solid foundation. The only way we learn to rely on that foundation is reading the Word, studying the Bible, and praying throughout our day.

You also grow your faith by joining a Bible study, listening to worship music, reading nonfiction Christian books, talking with others about what you read, listen to faith based podcasts, pray without ceasing, and finding an older woman to mentor you in the faith.

Any and all of these actions will help you grow that foundation in faith that you need to be ready when the right one comes along for marriage.

Scripture

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” — Isaiah 40:31

This is one of my favorite verses. It reminds me that I can’t get where God has planned for me on my own. God alone can renew my strength. Then I will move through God’s plan for me without growing weary or fainting. When you focus on your faith instead of a man to marry, you will have strength to make it through the waiting that you never anticipated.

Let’s recap…

God’s love and God’s wisdom are enough to sustain us. And honestly, even when you’re married, your husband will not solve all your problems. Being married just brings new challenges. Only God’s love and wisdom can sustain us…no human can do that.

Wait

Waiting on God for a spouse can feel challenging, but it is an opportunity to trust in His perfect plan. Trusting in God’s timing is the foundation for a godly relationship. Ecclesiastes 3:11 reminds us that God makes everything beautiful in its time. His timing is always better than our own, and when we rush, we may miss the blessings He has prepared for us.

While waiting, prayer is essential. Psalm 37:4 encourages us to delight ourselves in the Lord, trusting that He will give us the desires of our hearts. Instead of focusing solely on finding a spouse, we can pray for a godly husband who aligns with God’s plan and exhibits the characteristics of a man after His heart.

Prepare

In the waiting season, preparation is key. Colossians 3:12 highlights the virtues of compassion, kindness, humility, and patience—qualities that are vital in a godly marriage. This season is an opportunity for self-growth, allowing us to cultivate these virtues, which will strengthen our future relationship.

As we wait, we can trust that God will bring the right person into our lives. Jeremiah 29:11 reassures us that God knows the plans He has for us, including the person who will be the right partner. Trusting in His plan will give us peace, knowing that He has a future and a hope prepared for us.

Have Faith

Finally, waiting is a time to strengthen our faith. Isaiah 40:31 teaches that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. In this time of waiting, our faith grows, and we are spiritually prepared for the marriage that God has in store. Trusting God’s plan and relying on faith will lead to the fulfillment of His promises in our lives.

What’s the next step while you want on God for a spouse?

I know I covered a lot of information here. You may be feeling like your head is spinning and not sure what the next step is. I get it. You want a spouse. And being married is GREAT. J But if I’m a good wife at all it’s because of my faith.

1. So growing your faith is the best thing you can do.  Then do all the things mentioned above: join a Bible study, listen to worship music, reading nonfiction Christian books, talking with others about what you read, listen to faith based podcasts, pray without ceasing, and finding an older woman to mentor you in the faith.

• Next, work on your personal attributes. Studying the Proverbs 31 woman is a great way to do that. Study the verses from Colossians 3:12 as a basis for life. Be the best person you can be, strong in the Lord.

• Finally, work on your communication skills while you wait. Follow me at Dr. Andrea Towers Scott for regular tips, faith encouragement, and insider advice.

Got questions? Email me: andrea@drandreatowersscott.com

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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