Two Types of General Encouragement & How to Use Them

Last Updated on February 19, 2025 by Andrea

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Let’s start the discussion by ensuring we are all on the same page about encouragement. We’ve talked some already about how to encourage our children’s self concept, encouraging their decision making, and encouraging our spouse.

Introduction

Encouragement is a powerful tool in relationships, but what drives us to uplift others? At the heart of encouragement is motivation—the inner force that compels us to offer support, speak life-giving words, and build others up. Understanding what fuels our motivation can make our encouragement more authentic and impactful.

There are different types of motivation. Intrinsic motivation—driven by personal values, faith, or love—compels us to encourage others simply because we find joy in seeing them thrive. Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, stems from external factors, such as wanting to meet expectations, strengthen a relationship, or create a positive atmosphere. Both types play a role in how we encourage, but the most lasting and meaningful encouragement often comes from a deep, intrinsic desire to love and support others.

In this article, we’ll explore how to cultivate motivation that leads to genuine encouragement and practical ways to apply this skill in our everyday relationships. Whether you want to strengthen your marriage, support a friend, or uplift your children, learning how motivation fuels encouragement will help you become a consistent source of positivity and strength.

The Link Between Motivation and Encouragement

Motivation is the driving force behind human behavior, including how we encourage others. Research in psychology highlights that different kinds of motivation influence how we uplift people in our relationships. Some encouragement stems from a deep, personal desire to support others, while at other times, it may be shaped by external factors, such as societal expectations or the hope of receiving something in return.

Reward-Based Motivation and Encouragement

One of the most well-known motivation theories is reward-based motivation, which suggests that people are more likely to continue behaviors that lead to positive outcomes. When encouragement is paired with positive reinforcement, such as appreciation, praise, or recognition, it reinforces the behavior and makes it more likely to be repeated. For example, telling your spouse, “I really appreciate how you take care of our family,” provides an internal reward for their efforts, making them feel valued and motivated to continue their positive actions.

On the other hand, extrinsic rewards, such as public recognition or tangible benefits, can also encourage people. A child who receives a sticker or a treat for helping a sibling may feel motivated to continue being kind. However, research suggests that while extrinsic rewards can be effective, they are often less powerful in sustaining long-term motivation compared to internal rewards like personal fulfillment and emotional connection.

Avoiding Negative Consequences as Motivation

Sometimes, encouragement is motivated by the desire to prevent a negative outcome. This could be as simple as encouraging a friend to take care of their health to avoid illness or reminding a child to study to prevent poor grades. In relationships, people may offer encouragement because they fear the negative consequences of silence—such as a partner feeling unappreciated or a friendship growing distant. While this form of motivation can be effective in the short term, it’s more fulfilling to encourage others from a place of love and genuine care rather than just avoiding a problem.

Creative and Competence Motivation in Encouragement

Another key factor in motivation is the desire for competence, which means people feel encouraged when they believe they are capable and effective. Research suggests that people thrive when they feel competent in their roles—whether as spouses, parents, or friends. Encouragement plays a huge role in this, as reminding someone of their strengths can boost their confidence. Saying, “I love how patient you are with our kids; they are so lucky to have you as a parent,” taps into competence motivation, reinforcing their ability to succeed in that role.

Similarly, creative motivation can inspire encouragement. People often feel most motivated when they have the freedom to think outside the box, solve problems in new ways, or express themselves. Encouraging someone’s creativity—whether in their work, parenting, or personal pursuits—can be deeply motivating and help them flourish.

The Power of Encouragement: A Cycle of Motivation

Encouragement doesn’t just help the person receiving it—it also fuels motivation in the one giving it. When we see the impact of our words, we experience internal rewards, like joy and satisfaction, reinforcing our own internal desire to keep encouraging others. This creates a positive cycle where both people benefit.

By understanding what motivates us—whether it’s reward-based motivation, competence motivation, or creative motivation—we can become more intentional in how we encourage others. Instead of offering empty praise, we can use meaningful words that truly inspire, helping our relationships grow stronger and more fulfilling. Therefore, the kind of motivation we use impacts the type of encouragement we may choose.

Encouragement

Encouragement is also called social support in the communication world. We are letting someone know that we support who they are as a person. This is different from supporting their decisions. We can support a person without agreeing with them. This is where we will develop skills in the coming posts.

Today I’m discussing two different ways we can offer encouragement, based on different situations.. Encouragement can be goal-focused (i.e., problem-solving) or person-focused (i.e., validating someone’s sense of self-worth). We can easily see how we might use both types of encouragement in any of our relationships. No matter which type we are using, encouraging words go a long way to being a powerful force in our relationships.

In romantic relationships, we stereotypically see men being more goal-focused and women being more person-focused. While all stereotypes are grounded in some version of reality, we can all learn to encourage from both perspectives. Words of encouragement are helpful for everyone, regardless of which type of encouragement you are using.

It’s not always easy to know how best to encourage our loved ones, however.

Goal-focused encouragement

For goal-focused encouragement, we can help the person make a tough decision or solve a problem and encourage their choice. We can also help someone brainstorm and make a pros/cons list. Sometimes encouragement takes the form of words and sometimes it takes the form of action. Look at the person you’re trying to encourage and the situation, then decide what’s needed. Remember, though, the key is to support who the person IS, even if you don’t agree with the choice they end up making.

For instance, I have a friend who had to make a very difficult decision recently. This decision will literally change the rest of her life. I prayed with her. I suggested different options (brainstorming). We looked at the decision from all angles. I supported her ability to hear God’s voice and make the right decision. Am I certain the one she made is “right?” No. But I do trust God to speak to and lead my friend. So I support her decision making skills.

Person-focused encouragement

For person-focused encouragement, it’s important to focus on who God made the person to be. We want to affirm how God made them. Everyone doubts themself at one time or another, that’s why this form of encouragement is so important.

Person-focused encouragement can be particularly appreciated during tough times. Here are some of the kids of person-focused encouragement that I’ve offered lately:

• “I know you’re working very hard, Son. You’re in a tough season and you’re handling it well.”
• “Honey (spouse), thanks for getting us home safely. Two days of driving is tough and you did it all yourself. Thanks.”
• “It’s okay to give yourself grace and take the time you need to grieve.”
• “You’re a good kid.” (to teen son)
• “I know you’ve been working really hard to get good grades and Dad and I both appreciate your hard work.”

I hope some of these examples help. Be creative and really focus on reinforcing who the person is – how God really sees him/her.

Biblical connections

From a Biblical perspective, we are told to encourage others

* And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:35 NLT

* Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV)

* May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus has so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6 NIV.

BIBLE STUDY: Using the links provided, use BibleHub to explore how these verses might apply to your life on a regular basis.

Your turn

Now it’s your turn. Take a minute and tell us in the comments how you encouraged someone lately and if it was goal-focused or person-focused.

Peace & Blessings,

🌸 Andrea

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