Two Types of General Encouragement & how to use them

Last Updated on October 25, 2023 by Andrea

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Let’s start the discussion by ensuring we are all on the same page about encouragement. We’ve talked some already about how to encourage our children’s self concept, encouraging their decision making, and encouraging our spouse.

Encouragement is also called social support in the communication world. We are letting someone know that we support who they are as a person. This is different from supporting their decisions. We can support a person without agreeing with them. This is where we will develop skills in the coming posts.

Encouragement can be goal-focused (i.e., problem-solving) or person-focused (i.e., validating someone’s sense of self-worth). We can easily see how we might use both types of encouragement in any of our relationships.

In romantic relationships, we stereotypically see men being more goal-focused and women being more person-focused. While all stereotypes are grounded in some version of reality, we can all learn to encourage from both perspectives.

It’s not always easy to know how best to encourage our loved ones, however.

Goal-focused encouragement

For goal-focused encouragement, we can help the person make a tough decision or solve a problem and encourage their choice. We can also help someone brainstorm and make a pros/cons list. Sometimes encouragement takes the form of words and sometimes it takes the form of action. Look at the person you’re trying to encourage and the situation, then decide what’s needed. Remember, though, the key is to support who the person IS, even if you don’t agree with the choice they end up making.

For instance, I have a friend who had to make a very difficult decision recently. This decision will literally change the rest of her life. I prayed with her. I suggested different options (brainstorming). We looked at the decision from all angles. I supported her ability to hear God’s voice and make the right decision. Am I certain the one she made is “right?” No. But I do trust God to speak to and lead my friend. So I support her decision making skills.

Person-focused encouragement

For person-focused encouragement, it’s important to focus on who God made the person to be. We want to affirm how God made them. Everyone doubts themself at one time or another, that’s why this form of encouragement is so important.

Here are some of the kids of person-focused encouragement that I’ve offered lately:

• “I know you’re working very hard, Son. You’re in a tough season and you’re handling it well.”
• “Honey (spouse), thanks for getting us home safely. Two days of driving is tough and you did it all yourself. Thanks.”
• “It’s okay to give yourself grace and take the time you need to grieve.”
• “You’re a good kid.” (to teen son)

I hope some of these examples help. Be creative and really focus on reinforcing who the person is – how God really sees him/her.

Biblical connections

From a Biblical perspective, we are told to encourage others

* And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:35 NLT

* Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV)

* May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus has so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6 NIV.

BIBLE STUDY: Using the links provided, use BibleHub to explore how these verses might apply to your life on a regular basis.

Your turn

Now it’s your turn. Take a minute and tell us in the comments how you encouraged someone lately and if it was goal-focused or person-focused.

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Peace & Blessings,

🌸 Andrea

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Resources

Here are some fun resources when it comes to encouraging others:

• Pocket hug token with quote from Winnie the Pooh
• More reading about how to encourage others by Dr. Larry Crabb.
• Encouragement cards
• Encouragement card to son from Mom
• Tumbler with encouraging Scripture