How Miscommunication Occurs In Your Relationships

Last Updated on March 27, 2025 by Andrea

Miscommunications. They happen all the time, in all our relationships. It’s super frustrating when it happens, as we often find it creeps up on us. The truth is, however, that researchers who study communication are fairly clear on how and why miscommunications occur. Keep reading to understand the why and how miscommunications occur and what you can do about it.

Noise

Researchers know that noise can be a frequent source of miscommunications in our relationships. Whether we are talking about romantic relationships, family members, or friends, we know that effective communication in a healthy relationship relies on understanding the power of noise. Communication problems often arise because we don’t understand the role that noise plays in our communication.

Once we learn to understand the role and power of noise, we can have more clear communication with higher relationship satisfaction. And we all want that!

The Communication Model

The communication model is the core of every single communication episode and when we understand it we can improve our communication skills. It identifies the elements of our communication with another person. Here are the components:

• Sender/Receiver – This is the people who are talking and listening – sending and receiving messages.
• Message – This is what we are trying to say – the point of our conversation or our goals.
• Channel – This is how we communicate our message. It might be verbal (using words like speaking), nonverbal (no words like eye contact; body language; facial expressions), vocal (using our voice like screaming or crying, tone of voice), or nonvocal (not using our voice like physical distance).
• Feedback – This is when we let the person know if they should continue or if you want a change in topic or focus. We are either confirming what they are saying or disconfirming it.
• Environment – This is the setting in which our conversation occurs. Could be the car, the living room…anywhere!
• Context – This is all the history that brings us to the point of our conversation. It includes our personal history as well as our relational history.
• Noise – This is everything that gets in the way of sending or receiving messages successfully.

All of these parts work together at the same time during every conversation we have. If there is a breakdown or issue with one of these elements, the entire model can suffer…which means our entire conversation can suffer.

Noise

I could spend a post on each one of the elements of the model, but for today let’s focus on noise and the role it plays in miscommunication. By definition, noise is anything that interferes with successfully sending or receiving messages during communication.

Noise can be anything from a headache (or other physical ailments) to relationship struggles to financial strain. When we are preoccupied with stressors in our life, we don’t pay close attention to our words and non-verbal cues. When we aren’t paying attention to those items, we may not say exactly what we mean in our personal relationships. We may be unclear about what we mean and that prevents a deeper understanding for the listener.

Likewise, when we are the listener and dealing with stressors, we are less likely to pay close attention to what someone is saying, and then misinterpret what the person is intending to say.

So these stressors in our lives become communication barriers that prevent us from saying exactly what we mean and keep us from really understanding someone else. When those gaps occur, we are more likely to fill them in with what we think the person is saying. Filling in those gaps then creates communication based on assumptions and that’s almost always fraught with inaccuracies. We often think we know what someone means, based on our history with them, but we are often wrong.

A productive conversation means setting aside the life circumstances that are getting in our way of effectively communicating and really focusing. We need to focus on our message, our intent, and what the other person is really saying.

When we have a better understanding of the role that noise plays in our relationships, we can have a much more productive conversation to build strong relationships.

Tips To Avoid Noise

There are several things you can do to avoid noise and the negative effects it causes in our relationships.

• Don’t rely on past experiences. That means don’t assume that you understand what someone means, simply because you’ve had a relationship with them.
• Seek different perspectives. Lay aside the way you see the world to try to see it from the other person’s point of view.
• Good listeners know that they need to quiet the inner monologue and really tune in to what the other person is saying…and not saying…through nonverbal cues.
• Consider the right words to say. Don’t just speak off the top of your head, distracted by your stressors. Instead, focus on the words you really want to say.
• The best way to avoid letting noise wreak havoc in your relationships is to acknowledge when you are distracted or have something else on your mind.

Want to know more?

This video explains what counts as noise, how to recognize a problem, and how to tackle it so you can improve your relationships.

Enjoy!

Andrea

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