How Do We Know We Are Loved?

What Does It Mean To Be Loving

This might seem like a silly question. But surely we can all relate. We do something “loving” for someone but they don’t even seem to know that we did anything at all. When we feel like our efforts are in vain, we do not not want to be loving at all. Learning someone’s “love language” can help prevent this situation.

Several years ago my husband and I were seeing a counselor (I highly recommend this if you are having any marital bumps). He asked us each to make a list answering the prompt, “When you do this….I feel loved.”

Please hear me – he wasn’t saying “If you loved me you would do this…” Rather, he was helping us each to see what behaviors our spouse interprets as loving.

Believe it or not, my husband’s top item was when I make sure he’s awake for work! He works at a hospital and sleeps odd hours so it can be tough for him to wake up. Every time I get frustrated that a grown man can’t get himself out of bed to go to work I remember that this is his TOP item for loving behaviors. Remembering that makes it easier to go make sure he’s getting ready for work.

I love to bake and that’s one way I show people that I love them. Most people in my world know that’s a sign of love, but I admit not everyone receives it that way. So there are two sides to showing love – how we show love but also how we receive love.

Love Languages

Gary Chapman has some great books on the ways we show love. He calls them Love Languages. The books are well written and easy to apply to our lives. Even more importantly, there’s scientific research supporting his findings. I’ll give those resources below.

Love languages are the vehicle for communicating love in all our close relationships. They include physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, actis of service, and receiving gifts.

All of us have a primary language that tells us the person loves us. When our loved one uses one of these behaviors, we feel super loved. Knowing your spouse’s love language is crucial, then, to knowing how to show love. I’ve created an easy chart with 55 different loving behaviors, grouped by love language. Get yours below and your spouse will be glad you did!

Not sure what your love language is? Here’s a great quiz to find out. You and your spouse can each take it, then share your results. This is a great date activity! Knowing how to show our love or make our spouse happy is one key to a successful marriage.

What To Do Next

So what’s the take-home?

It’s NEVER too late to show someone you love them. If you don’t know what your partner perceives as loving, ask! Valentine’s Day may be over but your loved ones will love to be loved every day! Grab your quiz and the love ideas above and show some love!

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With love,

🌸 Andrea

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The Original Five Love Languages can be found here. This forms the basis for all of Chapman’s books. Again, there’s scientific research to back up his findings, so that makes it even more appealing for me to recommend.

Here is the one for 5 Love Languages of Children.

This one is the 5 Love Languages of Men.

Here is 5 Love Languages of Teens. This one is close to my heart with two teens in my home right now. 🙂

That’s it for today! Chapman has other books but these are most relevant to today’s discussion.