Listening Like Jesus: How to Truly Hear Your Spouse

Listening like Jesus is something I aspire to. I’m sure that like me you want to hear your spouse – you want to hear what he’s saying and hear his heart for various issues. But sometimes things get in the way. I try to listen to my husband, I really do. And I sincerely want to hear his heart and have a closer relationship. To do that, I need to get my entire body involved, though. I can’t be busy on the computer or helping the kids while I’m trying to listen. That’s not really listening.

I’ve been studying communication for nearly 35 years, and I still need remind myself to go back to basics. Listening is one of those basic skills we can all benefit from a refresher course in. And there’s no better teacher about listening than Jesus.

* As an affiliate, I may earn a small amount at no extra cost to you from qualifying purchases made from links at my website. Thank you for supporting my small business!

Introduction

However, Jesus wasn’t just a teacher—He was a listener. He met people with compassion, gave them His full attention, and asked questions that made them feel known. Imagine how different our marriages would be if we listened to our spouses the way Jesus listened to those around Him.

Too often, we hear the words but miss the heart. Real listening—deep, loving, Christlike listening—is a powerful way to build connection and trust in your marriage.

Let’s explore what it means to listen like Jesus—and how to practice it every day with the person you love most.

What Real Listening Looks Like

Good communication (effective communication) involves a great deal of listening. Listening isn’t just being quiet while your spouse talks (while that is one part of it). It’s about:

• Focusing fully on your spouse and what he is saying
• Withholding judgment
• Responding with empathy
• Showing your spouse they are heard and valued

When Jesus listened, He didn’t interrupt or rush. He allowed space for people to share. He noticed their body language and emotions. That kind of presence is rare—but it’s what builds intimacy.

Today I’ll review some obstacles to really good listening skills, review what active listening looks like, and share some Bible verses you might want to copy and memorize to help you become a better listener, like Jesus.

Jesus on the Road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13–35)

One of the most beautiful examples of Christlike listening is found in Luke 24. Two disciples were walking and talking about all that had happened in Jerusalem—the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Jesus joined them, but they didn’t recognize Him at first. What did He do?

“He asked them, ‘What are you discussing together as you walk along?’” (Luke 24:17)

He listened as they shared their sorrow and confusion. Jesus didn’t jump in to correct or preach—He walked with them, asked questions, and let them speak.

Only after they poured out their hearts did He respond with truth and encouragement.

That’s the kind of listener we’re called to be. While listening may not be a spiritual gift, it is an essential relationship skill that requires hard work and discipline.

Barriers to Listening like Jesus in Christian Marriage

Before we can grow as listeners, it’s essential to identify and recognize the obstacles that prevent us from truly hearing each other. By understanding these barriers, we can take meaningful steps toward improving communication and fostering deeper intimacy in our marriages.

Here are a few common challenges:

1. Distraction

In today’s fast-paced world, distraction is one of the greatest enemies of meaningful connection. Phones buzzing with notifications, children calling for attention, or the never-ending list of household chores can keep us from being fully present with our spouse. Often, we think we’re listening while multitasking, but doing so inevitably sends the message: “You’re not my priority right now.” Multitasking can leave your spouse feeling undervalued, even if that isn’t your intention. To combat distraction, it’s important to create intentional moments free of interruptions. Set aside time each day, even if brief, to focus solely on your spouse. Eye contact, an undisturbed environment, and your undivided attention can make all the difference.

2. Defensiveness

Defensiveness is a natural reaction when we feel attacked or criticized, but it can severely hinder genuine communication. Rather than truly listening to what our spouse is expressing, we often jump in with counterarguments or explanations, eager to defend ourselves. This can shut down vulnerability and escalate conflict, leaving feelings unresolved. In marriage, practicing humility and grace is essential. Instead of reacting defensively, pause and ask yourself, “What is my spouse really trying to communicate?” Reflecting on their perspective, even when it’s difficult, can open the door to healing and understanding. Remember James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

3. Fix-it Mode

It’s common for spouses—especially husbands, though not exclusively—to fall into “fix-it mode” when their partner shares a problem or concern. While the intention is often good, rushing to offer solutions can inadvertently make your spouse feel dismissed or misunderstood. Sometimes, your spouse isn’t looking for advice or answers—they simply want to be heard, to feel that their emotions and struggles matter. Instead of offering solutions right away, try responding with empathy and validation. Phrases like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see how that would make you feel upset,” can show that you’re truly present with them. Proverbs 18:13 reminds us: “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” Listening, not solving, is often the greatest gift you can give.

By acknowledging these barriers and actively working to overcome them, couples can build trust, deepen emotional connection, and reflect the love and patience of Christ in their marriage. True listening is a form of love, and it requires intentionality, humility, and grace.

Listening Like Jesus in Christian Marriage

Want to Listen Like Jesus?

Listening is a divine expression of love and care, modeled perfectly by Christ Jesus. His way of hearing others was marked by attentiveness, empathy, and patience—qualities that are essential in building a strong, Christ-centered marriage. Here’s how you can incorporate the art of listening into your relationship:

Give Full Attention

True listening begins with presence. When your spouse speaks, make a deliberate effort to eliminate distractions. This means putting aside your phone, turning off the television, and mentally committing to the conversation at hand. Eye contact conveys that you’re fully engaged and values them deeply. Even your body language matters—leaning in slightly or nodding as they speak can demonstrate that their words hold your undivided focus. For example, if your spouse begins sharing a stressful situation from their day, resist the urge to multitask while they talk. Instead, stop what you’re doing (put your phone down), face them, and say, “I’m here for you—tell me more.”

Reflect What You Hear

Reflection is a powerful tool for understanding and validation. By paraphrasing or summarizing what your spouse has shared, you confirm that you’re truly listening and give them the space to clarify their thoughts. For instance, you might respond with, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the tasks at work,” or “So what I’m hearing is that you’re feeling unsupported in this situation.” This technique not only avoids misunderstandings but also reassures them that their emotions are valued. Reflecting what you hear mirrors Christ’s empathy and attentiveness, as seen in His interactions with others.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions invite dialogue and encourage your spouse to share their thoughts freely. They foster deeper understanding and allow you to explore emotions and perspectives that might otherwise go unspoken. For example, instead of asking, “Why did you do that?” which might come across as judgmental, try “What were you feeling when that happened?” This approach shows curiosity about their heart rather than judgment of their actions, creating a safe space for vulnerable communication.

Respond With Empathy

Empathy is the cornerstone of compassionate listening. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings with affirmations such as, “That sounds really hard,” or “I can understand why you’d feel that way.” These statements validate their emotions and make them feel heard, even if you can’t immediately solve their problem. Remember, listening doesn’t always mean fixing—sometimes, the greatest gift you can offer is simply being present in their pain. Proverbs 18:13 reminds us: “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”

Be Slow to Speak

Patience is a virtue emphasized throughout Scripture, and it is essential when listening to your spouse. Resist the urge to interrupt or rush to conclusions—let them finish their thoughts entirely. This practice not only demonstrates respect but also ensures that you truly understand their perspective before responding. James 1:19 encapsulates this wisdom perfectly: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Silence can be sacred in listening, allowing space for God’s presence in the conversation. One way to practice being slow to speak is to pray before speaking. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with peace and understanding for your spouse. Listen for God’s voice to show you what words to say.  

Why Active Listening Matters in Marriage

When you listen actively, you mirror Christ’s love to your spouse. By giving them the gift of your undivided attention, empathy, and understanding, you communicate that they are deeply valued—not just as your partner but as a child of God. This kind of listening builds emotional safety, fostering trust, intimacy, and connection within your marriage. It allows you to reflect Christ’s patience and grace, creating a relationship that glorifies Him.

Active listening isn’t just a skill—it’s an act of love that requires intentionality, humility, and prayerful effort. By practicing these techniques, you can transform your marital communication and honor God in the process.

Listening Like Jesus as an Act of Love in a Christian Marriage

Good listening is far more than just a communication skill—it is a profound expression of love, one that mirrors the very heart of Christ. In the context of marriage, where intimacy and trust form the foundation of the relationship, listening becomes a sacred act that conveys respect, empathy, and unwavering commitment to your spouse.

Listening Says: “I See You”

When you truly listen to your spouse, you acknowledge their presence and individuality. You give them your full attention. It’s a way of affirming that their words, emotions, and experiences matter. To say “I see you” is to recognize them as a unique creation of God, someone worthy of attention and understanding. In a world that so often distracts us with noise and busyness, pausing to truly see your spouse speaks volumes. It reflects the attentiveness of Jesus, who always saw the needs of the people around Him, even in the midst of His ministry. When you listen with the intent to see, you offer your spouse the gift of being noticed and cherished.

Listening Says: “You Matter to Me”

In a Christian marriage, where love is a covenantal promise, listening becomes an act of honoring your spouse. Taking the time to hear their thoughts and feelings communicates that they are a priority in your life. Good listeners dispels the fear of being ignored or dismissed and replaces it with reassurance. It reflects the value Christ places on each of us, as demonstrated in His interactions with those society overlooked. Saying “You matter to me” through attentive listening reminds your spouse of their worth, not just as your partner, but as a beloved child of God.

Listening Says: “I Want to Understand Your Heart”

Marriage is not just a partnership; it’s a journey of two hearts learning to beat in unison. When you listen to your spouse deeply, you are not just hearing their words—you are seeking to understand their inner world. This means asking thoughtful questions, empathizing with their emotions, and striving to connect with their perspective. “I want to understand your heart” is an invitation to vulnerability and intimacy. It mirrors the way Christ longs to know and be close to us, His followers. In a marriage, this depth of connection nurtures trust and fosters a safe space for emotional growth.

The Impact of Listening on Emotional Safety

Active and loving listening doesn’t simply fulfill a need for communication—it creates an environment where your spouse can feel secure, known, and valued. Emotional safety is crucial in any marriage, as it allows both partners to share openly without fear of judgment or rejection. By listening well, you build a fortress of trust where your spouse feels safe to express their joys, concerns, and even their struggles. This safety is a reflection of God’s unchanging love—a love that accepts and comforts, no matter what. This atmosphere creates an emotional connection that grows stronger with time.

Reflecting Christ’s Love Through Listening

Observing Jesus Himself is the best way to see an example of what it means to listen with love. Whether He was speaking with the woman at the well, healing the blind man, or comforting His disciples, Jesus always listened with compassion and attentiveness. He didn’t interrupt, judge, or rush to conclusions; instead, He created space for others to be heard and understood. When you listen to your spouse with the same patience and grace, you are reflecting Christ’s love in your marriage. This act of love goes beyond words—it’s a testimony of your faith and dedication to building a marriage that glorifies God.

Conclusion

Listening well is one of the most powerful ways to show love in your marriage. Jesus modeled it for us—with patience, presence, and compassion.

I know that when I take time to slow down and really listen to my husband, my relationship reaps the rewards. My husband talks more and listens better, too. We grow together and have fewer misunderstandings. Our intimate relationship grows as well, because we both feel safe and heard.

Listening as an act of love in a Christian marriage is transformative. It deepens your bond, nurtures emotional safety, and reflects the heart of Christ. By choosing to listen—truly listen—you communicate to your spouse that they are seen, valued, and deeply cherished. In doing so, you not only strengthen your relationship but also honor God’s design for love and partnership within marriage. When you take time to listen well you tell your spouse that you want to work toward a great marriage.

Biblical wisdom and growing in our faith is part of a strong marriage, as well. Consider Bible reading together – find Scriptures about listening and talk about them during study time. You may uncover each other’s deepest needs when you take time to read, study, and talk together. As a follower of Jesus, we are called to know His word and to make it part of our Christian home. As we learn what Scripture says about listening, we can implement those Scriptures into our lives and live more like Jesus.

So take the time to listen today. Set aside distractions, open your heart, and embrace the sacredness of this simple, yet profound, act of love. These skills aren’t fancy, in fact they are ones the average person can implement right away. Good listeners aren’t born, they’re made.

When we slow down, put distractions aside, and really hear our spouse, we reflect the heart of Christ. And in doing so, we build marriages that are rooted in grace, empathy, and true connection.

So today, ask yourself: Am I listening to my spouse the way Jesus listens to me?

With love,

🌸 Andrea

Resources:

* As an affiliate, I may earn a small amount at no extra cost to you from qualifying purchases made from links at my website. Thank you for supporting my small business!

Gifts from the Heart: Skills for Speaking, Listening, and Bonding by Randy Fujishin is a great book about communication skills. He’s a communication professor so I trust his training and teaching. In fact, I not only read this book, but I’ve shared it with both my sons when they started serious relationships so they could get a healthy start.

Discerning the Voice of God: How to Recognize When God Speaks – Bible Study Book with Video Access by Priscilla Shirer is one of my all-time favorite Bible studies about listening to God. If you’ve ever wondered about how to know if God is speaking to you, this study is perfect.

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