Your Guide for how to Understand Body Language

Last Updated on January 6, 2025 by Andrea

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We think we read nonverbal signals well- but we don’t. We really can’t (shouldn’t) assume what people are thinking. For instance, just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they are upset with us. Our true feelings are not always revealed in our body movements.

Introduction

Nonverbal communication plays a critical role in how we connect with others, often conveying countless emotions without the need for words. From steady eye contact to hand movements, the different types of nonverbal communication offer valuable insights into human interaction. Research suggests that up to 93% of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues, highlighting the importance of body language in creating meaningful connections.

For instance, eye gaze is a powerful form of communication, reflecting confidence, attention, or discomfort, while physical distance and personal space significantly impact first impressions and interpersonal relationships. Common types of body language, such as posture, gestures, and facial expressions, speak louder than words. Interpreting these signals accurately requires a keen observer, or “interpreter,” who listens not only with their ears but also with their eyes and intuition.

Understanding the nuances of body language examples, from subtle shifts in physical space to deliberate hand movements, equips us to navigate social and professional interactions with greater confidence.

Feeling surly?

Just this week, my husband came into the kitchen looking a little surly. He was getting ready to take our college-aged son to the store for a bit, but first he had to go to a doctor’s appointment, I asked him a few general questions about the day and his answers were very short. I felt like maybe he was upset with me. I asked if he was okay, and received a minimal response.

When I took a few minutes to pray about it, I realized that my husband had been up ALL NIGHT at work. It’s now 8 a.m. and he’s still going to have to be awake for another 4 hours, at least. I would be a bear if that were me. No wonder he was acting a bit surly. He was exhausted.

That was when I remembered that we really aren’t as good at interpreting body language as we think we are. We study how to read body language from some websites. I know what they say – “If their feet are pointing toward the door, they want to make a quick exit” and “If they look at their watch, they want to be done talking with you.”

The Truth About Body Language

Well, sort of. Yes, they may have somewhere to be, but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy talking with you. I tend to turn out when I stand, which often turns one foot toward the door, but it doesn’t mean I want to leave. Likewise, with all the smartwatches available, people tend to look at their watches for dozens of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with time. If you want to know more, stick to solid books like this that are grounded in research and not speculation. Also know that cultural differences play a huge role in how we communicate, so people from different cultures will have different non-verbal communication and different interpretations for various physical behaviors.

Tone of Voice

When we hear someone that sounds like they may be upset, it’s not necessarily about us. We can’t read people’s minds. We have no idea what they are thinking unless they tell us. Therefore, sharpening our communication skills is key to avoiding misunderstandings.

Lying

When it comes to knowing how to read body language cues when someone is lying to you, well, we are REALLY bad at that! Yes, there can be a few telltale cues, but some people are just dang good liars. Better to live in relationships with truth (see Matthew 6:33).

Facial Expressions

Knowing how to read people’s facial expressions doesn’t fare much better. Our faces reflect so many emotions. For instance, Ekman and Friessen found that the area above the masks we all wore for a year communicates 22 different emotions – in just that one little area! Nonverbal behaviors aren’t just big ones – they can be tiny differences that communicate lots of information!

Faces have micromomentary expressions that are so fleeting, we may catch them but have zero time to really proces what it means. And people generally aren’t aware how their face looks to others, so if you ask what someone’s facial expression means, they likely can’t tell you. A better question is to ask what they are thinking about. This is a better question because our thoughts tend to be reflected on our faces.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

It’s so easy to latch onto a bad explanation for someone’s behavior. We tend to jump right to the notion that someone might be upset with us. Miscommunication can be caused by many factors, and jumping to conclusions is pretty high on the list. However, love calls us to “keep no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:5-6). When we remember these verses, we can see God demonstrating them, and realize that we can live them, too.

Another good tip is to be aware of your own body language cues. Think about your personal space, hand gestures, body posture, tone of voice, direct eye contact, and a genuine smile. All of these different types of body language communicate something different. Then factor in cultural norms and you have an added layer of complexity.

In sum, first pay attention to your own nonverbal behavior. Second, ask questions. The next time you may be tempted to interpret a loved one’s nonverbal cues as negative, remember these verses and instead, ask questions and reassure them of your love.

Peace & Joy,

🌸 Andrea

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