How to Encourage Your Spouse: 6 Simple Strategies

Last Updated on July 31, 2023 by Andrea

Encouragement at home

My husband works in a stressful job, as I’m sure yours does. He has managers and customers who all fuss at him for various reasons. When he gets home he’s just done. He is tired and stressed and generally not in a peaceful mood. My goal is to make our home a haven. I want home to be the place my family longs to be when they are stressed and done with the world.

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Encouraging our family members doesn’t have to be difficult. One of the ways I can create a haven for a home is to help encourage my spouse when he gets home. By encouraging him, I’m letting him know that I’m his biggest fan. I’m letting him know that I’m in his corner and that makes him want to be at home. He knows he is appreciated and understood at home.

I’ve already talked about encouraging our children’s self concept, but general encouragement for our spouse is essential for our marriage.

Types of encouragement

Encouragement is two-fold : 1) we can encourage someone about goals and 2) we can encourage someone as a person.

Both are important.

We can also encourage our spouse through several direct support strategies (emotional, esteem, information, tangible, and network). I’d guess that some of these come more naturally to some people than others. We do not all have the same areas of strength. To that end, some of the following suggestions may be things you already do. Yeah! There may be other suggestions you struggle with. Well, that’s where you should start! 😀

Encouraging your spouse:

1. First, consider stories your spouse tells you about his day. Is he looking for help with decisions? Is he looking to be validated? The purpose of his story should be your first question. Sometimes that means asking him/her questions. Even asking something like, “Are you looking to solve the problem?” or “Do you want to brainstorm solutions?” can help. Don’t be upset if he just wants you to listen. Listening is a fantastic way to be encouraging for your spouse.
2. Everyone wants to be valued. We want to know that we have worth in someone’s eyes – especially our spouse’s eyes. So tell him when he does a great job! My husband recently took each of our sons to different activities, one-on-one. I’ve been trying to encourage their relationships, so I made a point to tell him how much the kids loved the outings. How can you reinforce what your spouse is doing well?
3. Maybe your spouse made a tough decision. It may not have been a perfect choice. Support what he was able to do – “Sounds like you made the best decision you could with the information you had.” Sometimes we encourage our spouse by simply supporting what he/she does, even if it’s not what WE would have done.
4. Ask your husband/wife how you can pray for them. We learn a lot about what’s going on in his life from his answer. Remember not to judge or offer advice. The only questions might be to clarify your prayer. But let’s face it, God knows the details so you probably don’t have to ask any follow-up questions. If possible, pray WITH him/her.
5. Sometimes encouraging our spouse comes in the form of service. Can you bring your spouse a drink when he gets home from work? Can you take the kids to activities so your wife can stay home and (fill in the blank – rest, make dinner, take a bath…)? I love when my husband brings me a coffee from Starbucks or Trilogy. I feel like he understands that I’m working hard when he does that!
6. Finally, but certainly not the end of ideas, ladies, we need to take care of our guy. He will never feel more manly and encouraged than when we give him the physical affection he craves. I have never heard of a man that will feel discouraged after his wife takes good care of him privately. Albeit it may not be at the top of your list. But it’s near (or at the very top) of his. Trust me on this one. 😉

If you try some of these ideas, please let me know in the comments – I’d love to hear from you!

Peace,

🌸 Andrea

RESOURCES:

• Prayer is one of the best ways you can encourage your spouse. I’ve prayed through this book multiple times and loved it. The power of praying wife/The power of a praying husband

• This one was recommended at a recent marriage conference. Buy the book for one spouse or both. The book is most effective if both read it, though. For men only and For women only.

• The love dare comes from the movie Fireproof and is a 40 day challenge. Either or both of you can use it. I have great fun with this!

• This one is great for getting started praying WITH your spouse. Praying together may not always feel comfortable. However, praying together is a great way to strengthen your marital bond. I promise that praying together gets easier with time. Praying for (and with) your spouse

• While a bit dated, but this book is a classic when it comes to understanding God’s role for sex in marriage. The gift of sex