How to be a Good Problem-Solving Friend

Last Updated on October 25, 2023 by Andrea

School Struggles

My son was struggling at school. He was making mistakes and not totally putting his attention where it should be. I was frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed. But I didn’t want him to know all that. I wanted to be understanding and help point him in the right direction. I knew that yelling at him wouldn’t accomplish either goal. Yet I was also embarrassed to give the details to too many people. This is the kind of situation that makes a mom feel like she’s having an epic fail season. Know what I mean? I was lost but did not want to share this with my friends.

Should I Share with Friends?

At Bible study I decided to trust this small group of women with my prayer need. I had been hesitating to tell any friends what was happening because I feared their judgment. I didn’t need parenting lessons, I needed help. Judgment was the last thing I needed – I was heaping enough of that on myself. I’m also a big believer that we should take our problems to God first, not people. Yet, I also felt the Spirit prompting me to tell this group of ladies my concerns.

They ended up being exactly what I needed. A few seasoned moms told me stories that demonstrated they could relate to my situation. One mom clearly helped define the problem and helped me get clear on why I was angry. Then they helped me identify clear steps to take next. Never once did anyone call me a bad mom or judge me. They gave clear suggestions without being all-knowing. Their humble response made me so glad I took the opportunity to be vulnerable with them.

The Joys of a Plan

The great news is that once I went home, instituted some boundaries with my son while explaining what the new plan was, life went smoother. He actually seemed to respect the boundaries (a fact I’ve seen with both sons previously) and I felt much more calm with a plan. My son began to act in ways that demonstrated he understood what needed to happen.

The Take-Home: How To Be A Friend

My friends helped in a near-textbook way. Want to know how to be a solid, problem-solving friend? Here’s the high points:

• Pray while your friend is sharing her experiences and concerns
• Share direct experience to let her know you truly understand, you’ve “been there”
• Summarize her feelings or pain point
• Let her know that her value extends far beyond this one issue
• Help her brainstorm solutions
• Encourage her ability to enact some solutions
• Respond with humility – you never know when you’ll be in the same place

That’s it! It’s easy to be a friend who can help problem solve while being humble instead of judgy.

What are your best tips for being a good problem-solving friend?