3 reminders for when your spouse is irritating you

Last Updated on September 25, 2025 by Andrea

It’s a fact. We bug our spouse. They do it to us – we do it to them. I saw a post on Instagram from @ChristineCaine that highlighted this point well.

She said her husband loved all the nice things she posts about him but thought it would be fun for her to post the irritations each has for the other. It was honest but clearly done in love.

It got me thinking. Lots of the items on those lists are similar to items that would be on my list. Maybe they would be on yours, too.

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Irritating each other is normal

Here’s the thing. Maybe some of my friends don’t realize that EVERY marriage has these lists. Your husband/wife generally finds you as irritating as you find him/her. It’s just the way of things. We live with this person all day, every day, and that begins to wear on us all. It’s normal and natural to wonder if this is as good as it gets.

The part we have control over is our response

God intended marriage to be a good thing, based on God’s love for us and His Church. But that doesn’t mean it’s always hearts and flowers. Sometimes we need the Holy Spirit to move our hearts. The times we are irritated by our spouse in a Christian marriage are some of those times.

Proverbs 21:9 tells us that it’s better to live in the corner of a rooftop than with a nagging wife. Ouch! If we’re constantly bugging our spouse about how he/she irritates us, we may want to take a step back and consider these next verses. Think and speak life to create positive cycles of communication in your marriage.

Matthew 7:3 reminds us that while it’s tempting to pick apart all that our loved one does, we should look to ourselves first. We aren’t perfect either. What irritating behaviors do we have that we could work on first?

I know that while it’s temping to pick on my spouse about not cleaning up the sink at night, I also need to work on my habit of interrupting him when he’s telling a story. Unlearning that behavior may take a while. I can work on that while I lovingly clean up the sink.

Finally, Philippians 4:8 instructs us to focus on thoughts that are true, honorable, lovely, commendable, excellent, and right. Focus on the good things! I’m positive my husband does not leave food in the sink to irritate me. So thinking that is FALSE. The TRUTH is he cleaned up the dishes because he loves me. When I focus on that, my irritations are obliterated.

Now What?

Now you know these Scriptures about not nagging, fixing ourselves, and focusing our thoughts. But what’s next? Well, first understand that our marriage vows are meant to be forever. Make a list of the qualities you fell in love with and focus on them.

Remember that love keeps no record of wrongs, so put THAT list right out of your head! Know that marital conflict is normal and can be healthy!

If you have unresolved issues, begin by giving them to God. Honestly, when I do this, He always keeps them and takes care of them Himself. He doesn’t need my help! However, if there are some issues that must be addressed, consider seeing a counselor to help you.

Whether your spouse has annoying habits (they all do!), or you’re just in a negative cycle right now. we have a choice. We can choose to remember what Scripture says and make a point to build a healthy marriage. We can focus on the good instead of what is irritating us.

These skills take time, for sure. But they are worthy efforts! Our marriage is worth the time it takes to turn irritations into reminders of love. 💝

Blessings,

Andrea

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