Your husband wants to be your hero.

“I’ll take out that trash for you,” my husband says as he walks through the kitchen. I am already pulling the bag from the can. “My hero,” I think.

Other days my husband carries in the groceries from my car. Or he fixes the fences around the farm. Some days he drives my car to be sure that it’s running right.

These are all sweet behaviors, right? If I read them in a book, I’d think, “Aww, so sweet! Look how much he loves her!”

My impression

I’m embarrassed to admit that I do not think “aww, that’s sweet” when my husband does these things. Many times I get irritated. Instead of thinking, “My hero!” I think “I’m perfectly capable of taking out the trash.” Or “I shopped, I can get the groceries.” Or worse, “Maybe he’s ‘inspecting’ what I bought at the store” (he’s not). Sometimes I think “Doesn’t he know I would tell him if I felt something going wrong with the car?”

I see control all over his sweet actions. “Maybe he’s just trying to flex and show me how important he is or control my actions.” Honestly, these thoughts have been far too frequent in recent years.

Reality

Not too long ago, I asked my husband about all this. He offered to take out the trash one Thursday. I said, “Honey, are you saying that I’m not capable or are you being loving?” Okay, I know. That wasn’t phrased the best. But I was tired of thinking the worst about him. I wanted to know his motivation for doing all these things, when he has enough to do already.

First, he looked at me, took me in his arms, and told me that he loves all that I do for our family. Then he recounted all the ways that I take care of our family. He acknowledged that I do the laundry, feed everyone, get our kids where they need to be, take care of all the animals, all while working a full time job. My husband truly wants to be my hero.

What does a hero look like?

A hero saves the day. Your husband truly wants to save the day. He wants to rescue you from a life of drudgery.

A hero puts others before themselves. Your husband wants the best for you. He wants to put your needs before his.

A hero does things other people don’t want to do. Your husband wants to do those things you may not want to do.

A hero is someone we can look up to. Your husband wants to be a role model for your children. He wants to set a good example.

So now what?

I know, it can be irritating to feel like your spouse thinks you’re incapable. Seeing your husband as a hero may require some reframing. Every time you think a bad thought about something your husband does, immediately capture it and turn it around. Instead of thinking, “I’m perfectly capable of taking out the trash!” replace it with, “how nice. I hate that job! I’m so glad he’s here to help.” Next remind yourself that he’s being a hero. YOUR hero. It will take a while, but eventually you’ll see his efforts for what they are – attempts to win your heart and be your hero.

In the meantime, try reading this book. Here’s a review for you.

With love,

🌸 Andrea