Unwanted: Fear of Rejection

A few things have happened last week and my first feeling was that of being unwanted. I realized this a couple days ago and found that the source was a fear of rejection. You know…she doesn’t want to be your friend, your kids don’t want to spend time with you, or your spouse is too busy with work to notice you.

I spent some time in prayer and journaling about my situation. I thought about where it all began, how I really felt about it all, whether I should bring my feelings to the attention of the people involved, and finally I pondered where God fits in all this.

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Feelings

For those of you who know me in person, or who have read a few of my recent articles, you know that historically I’ve not been a fan of feelings. They are messy and, well, filled with emotion. And I haven’t historically liked emotion.

Counseling has helped me realize the important value of feelings and experiencing the emotions that accompany those feelings. I’m learning to name those feelings and emotions and allow them to pass without dwelling on them or stuffing them deep inside. It’s a process; some days I do better than others.

I’m realizing that while my feelings are real, they aren’t always true. For instance, if I feel hurt that a friend didn’t call me back, that’s a real feeling, and totally understandable. If I interpret her not calling back to mean that she doesn’t want to be friends any more, or that she is rejecting me as a friend, that is likely not true. See the difference?

So while it’s important to understand how we feel, it’s also important to be logical about the truth behind those feelings.

Logic

I was recently planning an outing with someone. I was hoping we could drive together because I have not seen the person much recently. They said they were going to drive themself because they had other stops to make and that would be more efficient.

At first, I was crushed. My feelings were hurt because I so wanted to spend time with them. I let myself cry for a bit.

But then a while later, the Holy Spirit reminded me that this person is very logical. They enjoy spending time with me, but also wanted to use their, and my, time well. To that end, taking separate cars made the most sense.

My hurt feelings were real but thinking this person didn’t want to spend time with me was wrong. In fact, later that evening the person asked me to do something else so we ended up with more time than if we had take one car earlier!

The One Who Never Rejects Us

As I was in the car going to the gym later this week, I was praying about these multiple instances of feeling unwanted and rejected.

God is so good. He quickly reminded me that HE wants me and will never reject me. I am His chosen child, just like you are.

God will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8). In fact, God loves us so much that He sent His Son Jesus to die for us (John 3:16).

My identity and yours should really be found in Christ, not our family and friends or our work.

Everyone has their own “stuff” going on. What we think is happening when someone talks to us if often just the surface. Our interpretations for why they say or do something may be totally off base because they are dealing with their own issues.

Trusting God

Next time we’re feeling unwanted and rejected, we only need to remember our loving God who will never reject us.

We can perception check with our loved ones, but don’t get too far in the weeds with those feelings. Feel them, honor them, but don’t always rely on your interpretation of them. Instead, balance logic with those feelings and ask God for the Truth. He’ll always grant wisdom to those who ask (James 1:5).

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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