Unconditional Love for Your Husband Even When It’s Hard

I have 30 years of marriage under my belt. And I love my husband dearly. He’s truly wonderful. He treats me with kindness and devotion and puts up with all my idiosyncrasies. Yet it’s not always easy to love him (just as it’s not always easy for him to love me).

Introduction

Every marriage experiences seasons of difficulty. There are days when loving your husband feels challenging—when disappointments, misunderstandings, or external stresses seem overwhelming. Yet, Scripture calls us to a love that is intentional and steadfast. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (the love chapter), we’re reminded that “love is patient, love is kind,” emphasizing that true love is a choice we make each day, not merely a fleeting emotion.

In this post, we’ll explore how to choose unconditional love by depending on God’s strength, letting go of bitterness, and actively showing love in practical ways.

Love Is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling

Why It Matters:

Love is more than the warm feelings we experience—it’s a deliberate decision. Even when emotions falter, choosing to act in love reinforces our commitment to God’s command. Love is truly a choice we make every day. Even when our spouse is being frustrating or irritating. The verse below reminds us some of the characteristics of love. Keep in mind that only God loves perfectly. The rest of us are a work in progress. The kind of love described in God’s word is demonstrated by His love for us. We do our best to follow God’s plan for this kind of love.

Scripture:

• 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – “Love is patient, love is kind… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Practical Example:

Imagine your husband comes home after a tough day and is quiet or irritable. Instead of reacting to his mood, you choose to offer a kind word or a gentle touch. This might be as simple as saying, “I know you had a rough day. How can I make it better?” Even if his response is brief or nonexistent, your consistent choice to love builds a deeper foundation for your marriage. When you ask how you can help him, you’re letting him know that you love him through your actions. If he tells you what you can do, be sure to do it. Following through proves your trustworthiness, another element of showing love.

Depending on God’s Strength

Why It Matters:

When our own strength runs out, God’s power becomes our refuge. Relying on God transforms our perspective and equips us to love even in challenging times. God should be at the center of our marriage. Relying on Him to guide us and give us strength takes the pressure off our spouse to make everything right or solve every problem.

Scripture:

• Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (This is one of my favorite verses and is often on repeat throughout my day.)

Practical Example:

When feelings of frustration arise, pause for a moment of prayer. For instance, before addressing an issue that’s causing tension, take a few deep breaths and ask God for patience and understanding. Ask the holy spirit to guide your words and your actions. Recommit your marriage relationship to God. This intentional pause not only centers your heart but also sets a tone of grace in your interactions.

Overcoming Resentment and Bitterness

Why It Matters:

Unresolved hurt can poison your heart, making it nearly impossible to extend unconditional love. Letting go of bitterness frees you to embrace forgiveness, just as God forgave you. When we let go of the hurt, we can focus on God’s unconditional love, allowing us freedom to offer our spouse unconditional love. Our heavenly father wants you to leave all your concerns with Him. The Apostle Peter tells us to give all our concerns to God because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Scripture:

• Ephesians 4:31-32 – “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Practical Example:

If your husband has said or done something hurtful, consider journaling your feelings first. Then, intentionally work toward forgiveness by praying over the situation. You might say, “Lord, help me to let go of this hurt so I can love him as You love me.” Over time, as you see God’s healing work, the bitterness will diminish and allow room for renewed connection. I promise this works over time. Just commit to praying every time you feel hurt.

Practical Ways to Show Unconditional Love Daily

Why It Matters:

Love grows through consistent, intentional actions. Small, everyday gestures communicate care, build trust, and can transform your relationship, even when words fail. Showing your spouse you love him on a daily basis is crucial for a healthy marriage. Come up with a good plan for showing your unconditional love, then act on it. We all show love in our own way and these small acts go a long way toward a lifetime of love.

Scripture:

• Galatians 5:13 – “Serve one another in love.”

Practical Examples:

• Acts of Service: Make his favorite breakfast or help with a task he’s been dreading.
• Encouraging Notes: Leave a note in his briefcase or on the bathroom mirror reminding him of his strengths and how much he is loved. Send a text to say what you love about him.
• Quality Time: Even 10 minutes of undistracted conversation at the end of the day can reaffirm your bond. Set the phone down and get the kids involved in something else. Give him your undivided attention.
• Pray for your Husband: Make sure he knows that you pray for him daily and ask how you can pray specifically for his needs.

Each of these actions may seem small, but they serve as daily reminders that your love is not contingent on his mood or circumstances—it’s a reflection of the love God has poured into you.

Trusting God with Your Marriage

Why It Matters:

Ultimately, we are not called to fix our marriages on our own strength. Trusting God means acknowledging that He is at work in both of you, even when you cannot see the immediate results. There are many long seasons in marriage and tough times will come. Trusting God through these difficult seasons is the only way to get through to the good times to follow. And they do follow, I promise!

Scripture:

• Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

Practical Example:

When challenges seem inevitable, invite your husband to join you in prayer. You might say, “I’m struggling to understand how we can move past this conflict. Let’s pray together and ask God to guide us.” This shared act of surrender reinforces that your marriage rests not on human effort but on God’s transformative power. Pray something like, “Dear Lord, You created this profound mystery called marriage. And I’m grateful for my spouse. Our wedding day was a day of dedication to you, and we rededicate our marriage to you today. We pray that you would guide us, show us what it means to live a sacrificial love, and to work together for a marriage that pleases you. Guide us in your love and show us how to love each other like you do. In Jesus Christ, Amen.”

Final Encouragement for Unconditional Love

Loving your husband unconditionally, especially when it’s hard, is an act of obedience and trust in God’s design for marriage. Every choice you make to love, forgive, and depend on God is a testimony of His grace at work in your life. As you implement these principles, remember that God is faithful, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. These truths will guide you through good times and bad.

While it’s tempting to rely on extended family or your best friend when your marriage is challenging, I encourage you to focus on God and His love for you first. Turn to the love of God who gave His son so we would have eternal life. Christian friends can be well meaning but they do not have the perspective that God has. He is ultimately the one who has our best interests at heart for our marriage.

Peace & Joy,

🌸 Andrea

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