Strengthening Your Marriage Through Shared Meaning

Introduction

Shared meaning impacts all facets of married life. When Jeff and I agree on the importance of prayer, how we are going to raise our kids, and our future goals, we have shared meaning. And while we have lots of shared meaning in our marriage, there are still areas that we don’t. In those areas, we are still working!

Shared meaning in marriage is crucial for building a strong, God-centered marriage.

Shared meaning in marriage is when both partners develop a common sense of purpose, values, and goals, creating a deeper connection and understanding in their relationship. It’s about building a life together that is meaningful and fulfilling for both spouses.

This article will explore ways to create shared meaning in marriage and understanding its significance through a Christian lens.

Scripture

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – “Two are better than one…a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” When we center our marriage in Christ, and find our true meaning in Him, we have a bond that is not easily broken. When we center our marriage in Christ, it’s more difficult for the world to interfere and break the bond we have.

The Importance of Shared Meaning in Marriage

Emotional Closeness

Shared meaning helps to deepen the emotional bond between a husband and a wife. When we have a similar view of the world, shared goals, and a vision that is unique to our relationship, we draw closer together.

We live our lives to reach those goals and live out that vision. The shared nature of shared meaning inherently draws us closer together.

Scripture

Colossians 3:14 – “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” This verse follows a list of behaviors we should seek to live out, but love holds it all together. This truth works in marriage, too. Love holds it all together. When we have shared meaning, we draw closer together, and that builds our love for each other.

Communication

When we have shared meaning we also develop more meaningful communication, and that leads to stronger communication skills. It takes time to come to shared meaning.

It’s rare for couples to automatically agree on what good parenting looks like, how to handle in-laws, how much sex to have, how to live out faith, the future goals and dreams of the couple, and other meaningful decisions. In fact, many times these conversations lead to conflict. Don’t let that stress you out, though. Conflict can be constructive when handled well.

Because these decisions don’t come naturally to many people, we need strong communication skills to reach shared meaning. You’re in luck! That’s what I’m here for: teaching people how to have thriving marriages through strong communication skills.

Scripture

Proverbs 18:21 – “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” This is so true. Our words are powerful! When we communicate well, we do so lovingly, putting the other person first.

Spiritual Growth

When we communicate through to shared meaning, we not only grow closer emotionally, build strong communication skills, we also grow in faith and service.

One of the areas we should seek to have shared meaning is the role of faith in our family (as a couple and as parents). As we grow in faith together through prayer and study, we draw closer to shared meaning because our understandings will be from God.

We may also grow in service to the Lord at church or through community work. These actions may fulfill part of our long-term goals for our family, thus supporting one area of shared meaning.

Scripture

2 Peter 3:18 – “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” When we work on shared meaning as it relates to faith, we grow in both grace and knowledge. That growth draws us closer. See how it all works together?

Practical Steps to Create Shared Meaning

 Developing Rituals and Traditions

One way we can come to shared meaning and live out those shared understandings is through developing rituals and traditions. Rituals don’t have to be mystical – they are simply behaviors that promote lasting habits. Examples include daily prayers, weekly Bible study, family traditions.

Daily prayer together bonds a couple and focuses you on what’s important – your faith. It also gives you an opportunity to share what’s on your heart with the One who can make lasting change.

Bible study can be done together or in a group. I host a weekly women’s Bible study that builds my faith. My husband is great about supporting my time to attend the study as he knows that grows my faith and supports our joint faith goals as a couple.

Scripture

Joshua 24:15 – “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Be prepared to develop rituals, habits, and traditions that support shared faith goals in your marriage/family.

Setting Goals and Dreams Together

When we dream together something special happens. There’s something almost magical about imagining some future and seeing it come to fruition. Not sure how to dream together? This article gives 7 easy steps to begin dreaming together. When we dream, we create an opportunity to set goals. Where do you want to be this time next year? In five years? In 10 years? Dreaming and goal setting are clearly tied together.

Some examples of goals you may want to set are spiritual, personal, marital, and family. Not sure how to set goals? This article gives great goal setting tips and has a how-to guide.

One of my spiritual goals this year is to memorize 52 verses. This is difficult for me as I’m not a memorize kind of learner. My husband supports my goal in not getting frustrated when I’m saying the same verse over and over. A personal goal of mine is to get a certain number of visitors to my website this year. My husband supports that goal by making sure the funds are available for various marketing needs I have. One of our marital goals is to build our marriage through more frequent dates and intimate time. Our kids are getting older and we don’t want to be strangers when the last one goes to college. For our family, one of our goals is to stay connected with our emerging adult and our teen. We do this through regular check-ins and solid listening skills.

Scripture

Proverbs 29:18 – “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” We need to know where we are going to get there. Be sure God is at the center of your planning but start with a dream. Then work your way to God-approved goals. What steps do you need to take to reach those goals?

Creating a Shared Spiritual Life

Our faith is individual but having a shared spiritual life is important for successful families. When we grow in faith together, our individual faith grows, but we also draw closer as a family. As parents, we are modeling our faith for our children, even our teens and young adults! Children, no matter the age, are always watching and listening.

Some ways we can share in spiritual life are attending church together, participating in a ministry together, or volunteering through church. Due to some leadership changes at our previous church we decided it was time to find a new church. We looked and looked. I’m not sure if you’ve ever “church sopped” but it’s tough! We found two we liked. One was more like the previous church, but farther from home, and a much older congregation. I loved it. The second church has a much younger, diverse demographic and my son knows kids who attend there. While it’s not my first choice, I realize how important my son’s faith journey is. Before I know it, he’ll be off to college and I can attend whatever church I want with my husband. In the meantime, I choose a church that resonates best with him.

We can also participate in ministry together. Our church offers a weekly meal for the homeless and we’ve served on several occasions. We love the opportunity to meet with community members who are underserved.

There are also lots of ways to volunteer through church. Our new church’s volunteer program is highlighted each week on the screen, so we always know how we can plug in. If you aren’t sure, call the church office! Most programs are happy to have new volunteers.

Don’t have a church or aren’t sure how to find a volunteer opportunity? Check out this site that helps match you to an appropriate volunteer need.

Scripture

Matthew 18:20 – “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” God is with us when we gather in His name – whether that’s at home in prayer, at church, or volunteering. Do all things in His name with love.

Supporting Each Other’s Callings

The best way to support each other is to encourage each other’s spiritual gifts and callings. Not sure what your spiritual gifts are? Take this spiritual gifts test together! Once you know, find ways to serve using your gifts. And encourage your spouse to do the same.

Not sure what your calling is? Forbes has some tips to finding your calling.

The important thing is to support each other. My spiritual gift and my calling are the same – teaching. I’m blessed to be able to have a paid career in this gifting/calling through two Christian universities. My husband supports my spiritual gift in helping me with my website and online articles. He understands the need to share about our lives in this public forum and he likes that our experiences can help others.

Scripture

Romans 12:4-6 – “For just as each of us has one body with many members…so in Christ we, though many, form one body.” Each of us has a role to play – let’s play it well! Learn what role you can contribute, what role your spouse can contribute, and get involved!

Challenges and How to Overcome Them

There are several challenges or obstacles when it comes to shared meaning. One is time constraints. It takes time to communicate well and come to see the world in a similar way. But it’s totally worth the time and effort!

We also sometimes have different interests. My husband and I like different things. I like Bible study, volunteering, and reading. He likes hunting and ham radio. But there’s opportunities for both of us in our interests! We just need to find ways to support each other’s differences.

Let’s face it, sometimes our faith wanes a bit. We go through spiritual, and marital, dry seasons. It’s during those seasons that we need to lean into our faith and our marriage. Be focused about reading the Bible every day. Not just nonfiction books about the Bible, but the actual Bible. Meet with your pastor for a recharge. Begin praying together as a couple. Have dates, even lunch dates, to reconnect. And honestly, intimacy is the way married couples connect the best. Make time for this. Even when you don’t want to. Shave your legs, put on some makeup, wear something sexy underneath and go kiss your husband like you mean it!

Encourage each other’s spiritual journey. Encourage your spouse to join a Bible study or a men’s group. Find time to check out ministries at church. Make time to talk – to create shared meaning as well as to check in about your goals. Sometimes goals change over time, so check-ins are important.

Scripture

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Paul was in chains when he wrote this. If he can have God’s strength through that, we can have God’s strength through dry spiritual and marital seasons, poor time management, and changing interests.

Conclusion

When you make time to create shared meaning, you’ll grow closer as a couple, build strong communication skills, and grow spiritually. Take time to sit down and plan. Talk about your marriage, faith, parenting, in-laws, sex, money, and even politics! Take time to dream together. Develop rituals and traditions that support your shared meanings. Encourage each other to branch out and step into your callings. Make time for each other and for God. Model your values to your kids and encourage them to find their gifts and callings. Incorporate theirs into your shared meanings as a family.

Scripture

1 Corinthians 13:7 – “Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” This is one of the verses of the famous love section of the Bible. We could spend a year meditating and working on living just this one verse. Use these truths to build time to make shared meanings with your family.

By incorporating these elements, Christian married women can create a profound sense of shared meaning in their marriages, drawing closer to each other and to God.

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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