6 Steps to Encourage Good Decision Making with our Kids

Last Updated on February 5, 2025 by Andrea

I’ve talked about encouraging our children’s self-concept. We also need to encourage our children’s ability to make decisions. Knowing how to make good choices is an important life skill for everyone to have. And it’s entirely possible to begin teaching the process of making right choices at an early age.

Different kids – different styles

Some children seem to be born good decision makers. Yet others require more personal growth as they learn the decision-making process.

For instance, I have one child who knows what he wants and can make decisions quickly. The other child takes more time making decisions. He is more concerned about negative outcomes and being able to live with the “right” decision.

Both children benefit from encouragement when it comes to those decisions, however. While a bad decision can be a great teacher, we’d like to help our children avoid making a wrong decision when possible. Kids need to be aware of the consequences of their choices before they make a decision.

When do we make poor choices?

Experience tells us (and research confirms) we tend to make poor decisions when we:

• feel rushed
• don’t stop to think
• are bored
• think something sounds like fun (pair that with not stopping to think)
• feel peer pressure
• don’t consider the consequences

Kids make poor decisions for the same reasons. It’s our job to help them consider these options as they face choices. It’s our job to teach them critical thinking skills nad problem-solving skills so they can make responsible decisions.

How to help kids make good decisions

We begin by helping our child make decisions by giving choices.

My mom was great at asking, “Andrea, do you want to wear the red shirt of the blue shirt?” She would limit choices when we were young so that it was easier to make a decision. As I grew, so did the choices and consequences. When we limit different options we are helping to make the decision making process easier for young children. Older children can have more options. Once our kids know they can make wise decisions they also feel a healthy sense of responsibility – and that encourages them to continue to make wise decisions.

Today’s post about encouragement is focused on their decision making ability and the consequences of their decisions. Be sure to pin the infographic so you can come back to these steps when you need them.

Step 1: Be available

The first step is to be available for our child to let us know they have a decision to make. Other times we are the ones issuing the choice. But if it’s a choice they are receiving at school or from a friend or extra-curricular source, we want them to know they can come to us.

Step 2: Ask questions.

The next step is to ask questions. Don’t jump in, though. Wait for them to tell you about it. Then ask questions to be sure you understand the situation and options. This is your opportunity to gather information. Then ask what your child is leaning toward. Don’t ask what he/she is going to do, though. They feel locked in at that point. If you ask what they are thinking about, that’s a work in progress. Feel free to ask what the consequences would be if they chose that option…or another option. It’s okay if YOU already know; you are asking to be sure your CHILD knows. You might try giving them different scenarios and checking to see what they think of each. By asking questions you are giving your child autonomy to have his/her own thoughts. If they don’t know the consequences of a decision, try to work them toward it without lecturing.

Step 3: Understand

Understand why your child thinks a given choice is best. YOung people often have reasons for why they think what they do, even if their first answer is, “I don’t know.” Here’s where open-ended questions come in handy. Don’t necessarily poke holes in her/his logic. Seek to understand (James 1:19). Again, ask questions as needed to get them to think it through.

Step 4: Know

Know for yourself if one option is dangerous or violates ethics or family rules. If so, and your child is clear on those issues, if they know the right thing to do for your values and family, then he/she probably already knows those outcomes and has identified them. If they haven’t discounted that option, it’s okay to take something off the table for those reasons (“Honey, you know we don’t want you to go to parties where there are no parents, so let’s take that one out of the running.”). Sometime’s children’s decisions need some boundaries.

Step 5: Say Something

Once all of the possible solutions are (reasonably) acceptable to you, say something like, “It sounds like you are thinking it through well. Thanks for telling me about it. I trust you’ll make a good decision.” Then leave the child with it. If he/she wants to talk more about it, they will. As long as the remaining options aren’t dangerous, illegal, or violating family principles you may not like the choice they make and that’s okay.

Step 6: Follow Up

Follow up. Once the decision has been made, ask how it went. Again, questions are good, lecturing is not. The goal is to let our children learn from their experiences.

If we play our cards right, this starts early (like elementary age) when they have small decisions to make like what to wear or which friend to visit. Then when they are older kids, like teenagers, they know what the thought process is to make wise choices. But it’s never too late – start today – no matter how old they are! Most people are not born with good decision-making abilities so it’s our job as parents to teach our kids how to make an informed decision. This takes lots of practice, so don’t get discouraged if your child doesn’t pick it up right away. Keep at it!

These steps work for the easy decisions of young children to the more complex decisions of young adults. I still use this method with my college-aged son and it works. Don’t forget that there is a time and place to share your own mistakes when it comes to decision making. Our kids need to know that we weren’t born knowing how to make good decisions, either.

Remember to keep encouraging your child’s ability to make thoughtful decisions. Then when they are old, they will know the right way to go (Proverbs 22:6).

Please leave a comment and let me know how it goes!

Peace,

🌸 Andrea

Did you find this post interesting or helpful? If so, please share it – you can use the social buttons below.

When friends share posts they are telling Google that the site is worth showing to others – and that helps build my small business. Thank you for sharing!