Six Tips For Communicating With Mean People

Start with Kindness

My youngest son’s primary school focuses on kindness and while he gets sick of hearing about it, it’s an important message. Mean people are everywhere but…

• We don’t have to like someone to be kind to them.
• We don’t have to agree with someone to be kind to them.
• We don’t have to understand someone to be kind to them.

Kindness means saying hello, holding a door for someone whose hands are full (or even if they aren’t), saying please and thank you, looking someone in the eye when talking, responding when spoken to, and making random acts of kindness like paying for the person behind you in line.

The meaning of kindness is as diverse as we are – we can be kind through thousands of small actions every day.

And while kindness is great in theory, some people are just mean…and it’s tough to consider being kind to them.

Scripture tells us to be kind to everyone – Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Notice we are to be kind to “one another.” Not certain people.

So the first, simplest answer for how to deal with mean people is to treat them with kindness, even though they may not deserve it. We don’t have to go out of our way to be near them, or interact with them. But when you pass them at the coffee center at work, a simple hello counts.

Mean Girls

Every time I hear this song, my heart goes out to the millions of our sons and daughters being bullied for who they are. While this song is about girls, boys are not exempt.

For our kids, this can be a bit more daunting. In every generation, kids find innumerable ways to hurt each other. Despite what certain media would have you believe, bullying is not a new behavior. Yes, today’s kids have more outlets for bullying, like on social media and mass texting, but the behavior itself is nearly as old as time.

Dealing With Mean People

Communicating with mean people, whether we are kids or adults, can be challenging. Here are some strategies that may help:

1. Stay calm and composed: It can be difficult to remain calm in the face of meanness, but responding with anger or frustration will likely only make the situation worse. Try to keep your emotions under control. If a response is needed (and it isn’t always), respond in a level-headed manner. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us we don’t have anything to be anxious about, so stay calm.
2. Set boundaries: Let the mean kids know that their behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it. Be firm but respectful, and don’t engage in their negative behavior. Again, though, not every “attack” requires a response. Sometimes silence and ignoring is a good way to set some boundaries. Proverbs 22:24-25 tells us not to befriend people who are easily angered, for we can too often pick up the bad behavior. Limits are good!
3. Seek support from others: Surround yourself with positive, supportive friends and family members who can help boost your confidence and provide emotional support. We should all do this, regardless of whether or not we have mean people in our lives. Scripture tells us that friends are important – Ecclesiastes 4:12
4. Avoid retaliation: While it may be tempting to retaliate or seek revenge, this will likely only escalate the situation. Instead, focus on being the bigger person and rising above the negativity. When we wait on the Lord, He will take care of any vengence or retaliation needed, according to Proverbs 20:22.
5. Seek help from a trusted adult: If the meanness persists or becomes bullying, don’t hesitate to seek help. They can help mediate the situation and provide support and guidance. Proverbs 13:20 tells us that when we walk with the wise (people older and more experienced than us), we can grow to be wise as well.

Let me know!

I hope these ideas help. The solution to mean people isn’t simple. What works in one situation may not work in another. But we can’t go wrong by adhering to Scripture and living as God instructs.

What’s your best tip for dealing with mean people in a way that honors God?

With loving kindness,

🌸 Andrea

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