Prayer & Communication: Talk to God Before Talking With Each Other

Prayer & communication go hand-in-hand. I admit it. Far too often I open my mouth and say things I should have prayed about before talking about. I get excited (or angry or stressed…) and out pop comments that would have been better remaining in my thoughts. Or better yet between me and God. Praying before talking with our spouse is a valuable life skill that is best honed during innocuous conversations so that when more meaningful topics come up prayer isn’t a last resort.

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Introduction: The Power of Prayer & Communication

Before you speak to your spouse, have you taken the time to speak with God? Prayer is not merely a ritual or routine; it is a transformative act that aligns your heart with His wisdom and grace. Whether we are having a difficult conversation or an everyday one, praying before we speak connects us with God and our spouse. When we pause to pray before addressing our partner, we invite God to guide not only our words but also our attitudes and emotions.

This intentional act of connection with God cultivates patience and humility, helping us to see our spouse not just through our own desires or frustrations but through the lens of love and understanding. Prayer steadies the soul, bringing clarity and calm, so that our conversations can foster healing and connection—rather than division. When God is the foundation of our communication, we gain the courage to approach difficult topics with honesty and trust, knowing that His presence will lead us toward resolution and unity.

Why Prayer Changes Communication

Prayer is more than a spiritual discipline—it is a profound act of surrender that changes the way we view ourselves, our spouse, and the words we choose to share. When we bring our concerns and intentions before God, prayer helps us shift from a reactive mindset to one of intentionality and grace. It allows us to recalibrate our hearts, removing resentment or frustration and replacing it with patience, humility, and love. Through prayer, we invite God to be the cornerstone of our communication, ensuring that our conversations are not guided by pride or impulsivity but by His wisdom and peace.

Prayer strengthens the bond between spouses by fostering a sense of unity. It reminds us that we are not adversaries but partners in the journey of marriage, and that God is the ultimate mediator in navigating conflict and misunderstanding. When prayer precedes communication, it creates a safe and sacred space where healing, connection, and mutual understanding can thrive.

Philippians 4:6–7—Peace Before Words

The apostle Paul’s words in Philippians 4:6–7 offer a powerful perspective on prayer’s role in communication: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” These verses are some of my very favorites. I repeat them nearly every day to help calm my spirit and remind myself that God has a plan bigger than what I see.

These verses illuminate the transformative power of prayer in calming our anxieties and allowing God’s peace to prevail before we utter a single word. When we approach communication with prayer, that peace becomes the foundation upon which our conversations are built. Instead of speaking out of fear, frustration, or worry, we can speak with clarity and calm, trusting that God has already paved the way for understanding and resolution.

God’s peace protects us from words spoken in haste or anger. It empowers us to hold our tongue when necessary, to speak truth with kindness, and to listen with open hearts. By embracing this divine peace before addressing our spouse, we create a more loving and constructive dialogue.

This verse also highlights the importance of knowing God’s word. When we learn to listen to God’s voice through His word, we have it readily available to us, in all situations. A strong biblical foundation is the best way to support your marriage. I find that the best way to build and maintain this biblical foundation is to have regular (daily) structured quiet time to engage in Bible reading and Bible study.

Praying Together vs. Praying Alone

One definition of prayer is that it is a communication between man and God. Prayer can take many forms in marriage, and both individual and shared prayer have unique benefits when it comes to communication. Solo prayer time allows us to connect with God on a deeply personal level, to pour out our unfiltered thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, and to seek His guidance and wisdom for the words we need to say. It is a time for introspection, reflection, and spiritual clarity.

On the other hand, praying together as a couple creates an opportunity for mutual vulnerability and spiritual intimacy. It fosters unity and trust, reminding spouses that their marriage is a partnership grounded in faith. When couples pray together before discussing difficult topics, they invite God to be present in their communication, creating a shared sense of purpose and direction.

Both types of prayer are invaluable, and incorporating both into your marriage can strengthen your ability to communicate effectively and lovingly. While you pray, be sure to listen for God to speak to you. This two-way conversation with God builds your right relationship with God. Growing a healthy prayer life will strengthen your own faith as well as your marriage.

Sample Prayers Before Difficult Conversations

At its most basic, start with the Lord’s Prayer. This is the prayer that Jesus Christ equipped His followers with, so you can’t go wrong with it. You can recite it, or use it as a framework for a deeper prayer.

Here are some other examples of prayers you can use to prepare your heart and mind before engaging in challenging discussions with your spouse. (See the links for a Bible verse you can add to your prayers):

• A prayer for wisdom: “Lord, grant me wisdom as I speak to my spouse. Help me to discern the right words to say and the right time to say them, that my communication may reflect Your truth and love.”
• A prayer for patience: “God, calm my heart and mind. Fill me with patience and understanding, so that I may listen fully and speak gently to my spouse.”
• A prayer for healing: “Heavenly Father, I ask for Your healing in this conversation. May my words bring peace and reconciliation, and may Your presence guide us toward resolution.”
• A prayer for unity: “Lord, remind us that we are partners. Help us to move forward together, with You at the center of our marriage.”
• Prayers for comfort: Here’s an article with 8 prayers for comfort when times are difficult.

These prayers can be adapted to fit the specifics of your situation. The core message remains the same: inviting God into your relationship through prayer & communication makes all the difference.

Inviting the Holy Spirit into Your Marriage Talk

When you Invite the Holy Spirit into your conversations with your spouse, you are making a deliberate act that transforms communication into worship. The Holy Spirit provides clarity, courage, and compassion, enabling us to navigate even the most difficult discussions with grace.

When you invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage talk, you acknowledge that God’s presence is essential to fostering understanding and unity. This act is not limited to moments of conflict—it is equally important in everyday dialogue. By establishing a habit of prayer & communication, you build a foundation of mutual respect and love. That love and respct can withstand any challenge.

The Holy Spirit also acts as a guide. When words fail, the Spirit intercedes, granting the insight we need to express ourselves effectively. Trusting the Spirit’s guidance reminds us that marriage is not a journey we undertake alone—it is a covenant sustained by God’s love and wisdom.

Example:

Right now one of my sons has a situation that isn’t going well. A few months ago, my husband and I told him how we thought he should handle it. Well, time has passed and I realize the situation is not quite what we thought it was. I now need to petition my husband for a change of strategy on our son’s behalf. I’ve been praying about if I should talk with him. That’s been confirmed for me. Now I’m praying that God will give me the words to say, as He did for Moses. I am trusting that I am being obedient in approaching my husband. I also need to trust God to guide that conversation. That trust only comes from dedicated prayer, however.

Conclusion

Prayer is a powerful tool for transforming communication in marriage. When we pray before talking with our spouse we are engaging in healthy communication by seeking the presence of God. By seeking God’s guidance before speaking to your spouse, you create an environment of peace, clarity, and connection. Whether you pray alone or together, inviting God into your conversations allows His presence to shape your words and attitudes. Try to incorporate prayer into your marriage talk. You’ll find that it not only strengthens your bond but also leads you toward greater understanding, healing, and unity.

Resources:

* As an affiliate, I may earn a small amount at no extra cost to you from qualifying purchases made from links at my website. Thank you for supporting my small business!

SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE: Celebration of Discipline, Special Anniversary Edition: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J. Foster – I have been intrigued by spiritual disciplines for a decade now. There are many books and no clear list of “the” spiritual disciplines. This book is a great way to get started in learning about this essential topic to spiritual growth.

HOLY SPIRIT: The Holy Spirit: Activating God’s Power in Your Life by Billy Graham – The Holy Spirit is another topic that has intrigued me for a some time. While I’ve long understood that He is part of the Trinity, I’ve not always been able to relate to Him the way I do to God and Jesus. This book helps frame the Holy Spirit in a way that is easy to understand and places Him in light of the entire Bible.

PRAYER JOURNAL: This prayer journal is a great place to log your prayers, God’s answers, and everything in between. I’ve kept a prayer journal for 20 years and I enjoy seeing how God has come along side me the entire time.

HOW TO PRAY: Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer by Priscilla Shirer (one of my very favorite authors) – this book is amazing. This is the single book that transformed my prayer life. In Fervent, Priscilla outlines how to create effective prayers that really bring you to the throne of God. I can’t urge you strongly enough to buy this book!

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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