Overcoming Loneliness in Marriage: Finding Connection When You Feel Distant

I’ll admit it – sometimes feelings of loneliness overcome me, even though I have a husband and children. My husband works nights, though I sometimes felt lonely when he worked days, too. I know it’s wrong for me to expect him to fulfill all my emotional needs, but sometimes I fall into those thoughts. The loneliness seeps in during quiet times. I feel all alone with my fears and doubts and questions. Sometimes it feels like I’m doing all the hard work and he’s just here for the ride.

Introduction

Marriage is supposed to be a place of companionship, but many wives silently struggle with feelings of loneliness. This feeling of isolation can be caused by many things such as emotional distance between partners, different emotional needs, the overwhelming demands of busy schedules, or specific seasons of difficulty that test the resilience of the relationship.

Feelings of loneliness within a marriage are particularly painful because they contradict the very essence of what marriage is meant to provide: connection, intimacy, and mutual support. These feelings can lead to a sense of being unseen and unheard, eroding the foundation of the relationship.

Thankfully, God provides hope and practical ways to bridge the gap. By turning to God, one can find comfort and strength in His presence. Moreover, addressing the root causes of loneliness, prioritizing quality time together, speaking honestly about personal needs, and building a supportive community can significantly improve the marital bond. These steps, grounded in faith and intentionality, can help transform a lonely marriage into one of renewed connection and shared joy.

How to Overcome the Loneliness

Recognizing the Root of Loneliness

Begin by identifying the cause of loneliness. This can be tricky and requires a bit of introspection. Think about it — is there a lack of communication, unmet expectations, or busyness? My marital loneliness tends to be brought on by extreme busyness. Particularly when our kids were younger, we were always running around between work, school, and extra-curriculars. It seemed like there was no time for us to really connect. I felt like I’d lost my best friend as emotional closeness took a backseat to the realities of life.

Turning to God First

The first part of a solution involves finding comfort in God’s presence when you feel lonely (Psalm 34:18). Lonely seasons can be helped by realizing that you are not truly alone. God is with you all the time and He cares for you. A good marriage has God at the very heart of it. Human relationships will always let us down, but God will never let us down. He is always faithful. Keep verses handy that will comfort you and bring you peace. Take these times of feeling lonely and work on your prayer life to draw closer to God. Trust God, even when it feels like things might be falling part (especially then!).

Prioritizing Quality Time

Plan small, intentional moments of connection that make a difference in your marriage. My husband and I like to share coffee time in the morning. He’s just getting home from work and I’m getting ready to start my day. It’s the perfect time for a brief connection point before he goes to work. Maybe you share a glass of wine at the end of a long day together. Plan regular date nights, too. These times can be practical – aligning schedules and catching up on what’s happening in the family or romantic. Both kinds of dates are important for marriage. Maybe you take a few minutes to sit on the porch over the weekend.

Speaking Honestly About Your Needs

Healthy communication is essential to bridging emotional distance. No matter what you do, take time to talk about your own feelings. Talk about the loss of connection you are feeling. Brainstorm various ways that you can build connection again. Use proven strategies to strengthen your marriage through communication. Healthy relationships are grounded in lovingly honest communication. When we connect, really connect, through honest conversations we can bridge the feeling of distance and feel closer again.

Building a Support System

Having godly friendships and community helps fill emotional gaps. A support system goes a long way to preventing loneliness. Our spouse was never meant to fulfill all our needs. Each stage of life requires different kinds of support. Some friends last through all those stages and some are just for a season. I hate that reality, but it’s true. Close friends can help us to feel less lonely because we have a sounding board and someone to talk to who understands what we are going through because she is in the same season of life.

Sometimes we need professional help, though. There’s no shame in seeing a counselor if your loneliness is overcoming you. Some insurance covers it, so check with yours. Not sure how to find a counselor? Check here to find a licensed therapist near you.

Next Steps

1. Identify the cause of your loneliness – is it a circumstance that you can change?
2. Reconnect with God. Draw close to Him through Scripture and prayer.
3. Talk with your spouse. Be honest about how you feel and schedule regular times to connect.
4. Build a support system to help take pressure off your marriage.

Conclusion

Loneliness is normal in marriage, particularly during certain seasons. But it doesn’t have to rule your life. Marriages can overcome seasons of loneliness by connecting with God and each other. You can totally make it through this time.  Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources and people ready to support you. Take action now to build a stronger connection with your spouse and nourish your emotional well-being.

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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