One Simple Step to Remember When Marriage Is Hard

Last Updated on April 25, 2025 by Andrea

I’ve you’ve been married longer than say, two days, you know that marriage is hard. But I’m here to tell you that a happy marriage is worth the effort!

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Marriage is hard

After nearly 31 years of marriage, I can say that it’s been amazing…and difficult. I know God wants the best for us and I know He wants us to stay together. But some days it’s tough, you know?

We’re so very different. He’s always listening to shows (sometimes two programs at once) while I prefer silence. He doesn’t clean out the sinks when he does dishes. He piles his clothes instead of putting them away. He’s often silent, even when I ask questions.

And yet. I’m not that easy, either. I love silence and I know that drives him crazy. To help, I’ll put on a movie I know well (so I can tune it out) but there’s still noise in the house for him. I can be crazy about the kitchen being just right at night, to the point that I’m up late taking care of it, while he’d rather I go to bed with him. I try to be grateful when he wants to help with the dishes, even though it’s not done the way I would do it. Sometimes laundry takes me a few days to push all the way through, even when I try my best to get it all done in one day. My husband is a thinker and that’s one thing I fell in love with. I try to remember that when I’m met with silence after I ask a question.

He’s my best friend and I know that tough times come to every marriage. The good times far outweigh the bad times. I know this. Yet in the long run the rough patches seem to consume more of my time and mental energy than the good times.

Tell him/her what you love

Proverbs 10:12 tells us that hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

This wise verse serves as a guiding principle for relationships, particularly in marriage, where love has the unique ability to heal wounds and bridge divides.

Instead of allowing frustrations and irritations to fester, take a moment to reflect on the foundation of your relationship—remember why you fell in love in the first place. Think back to those early days when even the simplest things about your partner brought you joy and excitement. Rekindling these memories can be a powerful antidote to the daily stresses that can weigh on any relationship.

For example, my husband embodies qualities I deeply admire. He is a thinker, always coming up with creative solutions to problems, and he has the talent to fix nearly anything. Beyond his intellect and skills, his affection and unwavering love remind me daily of the strength of our bond. Even with the passage of years, two children, and the inevitable changes that life brings, he still finds me attractive and makes me feel cherished. He is a hard worker, always ready to lend a hand to a friend in need. These qualities are what make him the person I love, and focusing on them fills me with gratitude.

Why It Works

By actively focusing on the good in your spouse, you create a mental shift that prioritizes love and appreciation over annoyance and criticism. This shift isn’t just beneficial for your mental well-being—it transforms the dynamic of your relationship. It’s remarkable how the small frustrations fade into the background when your attention is directed toward your partner’s admirable traits. This intentional focus on the positives doesn’t just enrich your perspective; it trains your mind to seek out even more reasons to love your partner each day.

Want to take this practice to the next level? Share your feelings with your spouse. Tonight at dinner or before bed, take a moment to express something you truly love about them. It doesn’t have to be a grand declaration or a lengthy speech—just a simple acknowledgment of what makes them special to you. Whether it’s their kindness, their sense of humor, or the way they support you, these words can have a profound impact. Not only will it make them feel appreciated, but it will also deepen the connection between you. Love thrives on affirmation, and your spouse will undoubtedly treasure hearing it from you.

Next Steps…

Remembering what you love and the good things about your spouse is the first step to navigating those inevitable hard times. If you want your marriage to make it for a long time, and be a healthy marriage, then there are a lot of things you can do.

Spending time together is a great way to make new memories. While a weekend getaway is a great idea, that’s not the only way to spend time together. Find a hobby you both enjoy and get started. Find a common goal and start working toward it. Plan a date night every week or every few weeks. Engage in a Bible study to learn Scripture together. Find someone married 50 years and invite them over – make note of their words of advice for a long marriage. Take a walk down memory lane and share your “favorites” with each other.

Difficult times will come, but when you make a point to make new memories and remember the good ones from days gone by, you’ll be prepared. Don’t let negative thoughts take over your day. Replace them with positive ones about your spouse. If today is a bad day, don’t let the present circumstances rob you of the joy that your marriage brings to your life most days. It’s really the small things that keep us going. So remember that he brought you a cup of hot coffee, or filled your gas tank, or made the bed.

God demonstrated unconditional love for us when He sent His Son to live and die for us. While that kind of love seems far beyond what we can offer our spouse, it’s certainly something to aspire to.

Want some more ideas? Here are 5 simple steps to improve your marriage. The good news is there is no perfect marriage and there are always more creative ways you can work on your marriage. You have the rest of your life!

Resources:

• Christian Gratitude Journal for Women: Give Thanks to the Lord: A 52 Week Inspirational Guide to More Prayer and Less
• NIV, Couples’ Devotional Bible (Build a Biblical Foundation for Your Marriage), Hardcover, Comfort Print: Growing Together in Christ
• What I Love About You: by Kate & David Marshall “This fill-in-the-blank book prompts you to say what is in your heart, but may not always be at the tip of your tongue. Tell the most important person in your life just how much they mean to you by completing the scores of unique, evocative checklists, short answers, and phrases in this attractive gift book.”

Be well,

🌸 Andrea

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