Did You Know? Knowledge is Power, Even in Families

Last Updated on October 9, 2025 by Andrea

🎵 “I know something you don’t know!” 🎶 sings one child to another, taunting the other to beg for the information. We learn at an early age that knowledge is powerful. When we know something, we can hold it over someone else.

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What is knowledge?

Knowledge is any information we have, often that which others might want too. While it refers to formal instruction, like that we learn in a classroom or a book, it can also refer to knowledge we gain from someone else, like our family members.

For instance, when my sister tells me what’s happening in her life, I have knowledge about her. It’s information that is only obtained from her telling me. I couldn’t find it out from a book. I could learn it from someone else, though, and that’s where the power comes in.

Knowledge on its own is just information. It’s neutral, really. The problem comes in when we attach powerful meaning to it.

How is knowledge powerful?

Much like when we were younger, knowing something gives us a sense of control. We have control of the information and can choose to share it or not. That choice gives us power.

Originally coined by Sir Francis Bacon, this phrase has been around since 1597. It’s as true now as it was way back then.

You see, if I know something someone else wants to know, then I can control the telling. I can control what information gets shared, with whom, and when. Many people thrive on this type of power. They love the control that having information brings them.

While “regular” knowledge learned in traditional formats – the classroom, a book, or video, for instance – still contains an element of power, it’s not as titillating as gossip knowledge. And that’s the kind that can hurt family relationships.

So while my someone may want to know how she can improve her marriage or family life from me (traditional knowledge), she may be even more interested in something that happened to someone we know (gossip knowledge). She knows that she can obtain the traditional information from many different sources, but I may be the only one who has the knowledge about our mutual friend. And that gives me power.

Types of Power

Before we apply this more to family dynamics, let’s take a moment to explore power in general.

While there are many types of power, we tend to see two as primary in families: informational power and coercive power.

Informational power is gained when we have knowledge about a situation or a person. This type of power is the one I’ve been talking about in this article. We can learn this information from gossip, prayers, eavesdropping, or someone simply telling us something.

Informational power can be helpful or harmful, depending on who has the knowledge and the intents with which it is shared, and to whom it is shared.

Coercive power is always dangerous. Coercive power is the ability of a person to influence others’ behavior by threatening or administering punishments or negative consequences if certain demands or expectations are not met.

This form of power relies on fear and the potential for adverse outcomes to motivate compliance. This type of power negatively affects mental health and is a powerful tool that is best avoided. Yes, there’s an entire parenting lesson in here, but I’ll save that for another day.

How do these powers affect families?

When this type of informational gossip knowledge invades a family, the related power struggle can negatively impact relationships. When one person learns something about another family member, it may be tempting to hold it over someone else.

Maybe Mom says, “I know this great information about Aunt Lucy, I’m sure you’d like to know it, too.” When I realize that Mom has knowledge about Aunt Lucy, I want to know. I don’t want to be the only one in the dark.

This type of power control is difficult in families because it pits one family member against another. It also takes the power away from the original knowledge holder (Aunt Lucy, in this case). If Aunt Lucy wanted me to know, she could tell me. But Mom holds the power with the information.

Let me reiterate, information on its own doesn’t have to end up in a power struggle. It’s only when one person holds it over someone else that this controlling, potentially coercive, power becomes a detriment to families.

If someone in your family does this (holds information over you in a controlling way) it’s easy to get angry. Please, please, do not act out of anger. Read this article for the essential skills to know about how to communicate when you are angry.

So what should family members do with knowledge?

The obvious question is how to prevent knowledge from becoming a power struggle. Since not all knowledge is related to power, we need to check ourselves first.

Ask yourself if you have knowledge about someone else. Are we dying to share it with someone? Do we want to let them know we know something they don’t know?

If it’s not your news to share, then keep it to yourself. I know that’s difficult! But we don’t have to share everything we know. If you really feel like you need to tell sister or brother about it, ask the person first. So if you know something about Aunt Lucy and want to tell Brother, ask Aunt Lucy if she minds that you share with Brother.

Maybe we are on the receiving end. A family member lets know they know something we may want to know. “Did you hear about Aunt Lucy’s situation?” or “I talked with Aunt Lucy today. I feel so bad for her.”

Now we know the person has information we may want. That’s your cue to call Aunt Lucy or just let it go. You do not have to follow up on the power play to get on the same page. Either call Aunt Lucy (“Aunt Lucy, Mom mentioned you are having a rough time. Do you mind if I ask what’s happening?”) or leave it alone and trust that Aunt Lucy will tell you when she’s ready.

When we stop making power plays in our family unit, we can relate to each other as equals. There’s really nothing to be gained from making a controlling power move with our family members.

Knowledge really is power. So let’s leave the knowledge with the person it belongs with. Don’t share if it’s not your news to share. Don’t be upset if someone has knowledge you don’t. Sometimes we just don’t share the same information with everyone. That doesn’t mean we have a bad relationship or that they don’t like us. It just means they didn’t share that information with us…yet.

I hope this helps. Focus on loving your family with mutual respect and you’ll be off to a great start!

💖 Andrea

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