How to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language — With Words

Words of affirmation are one way I show my husband I love him. I admit that this come naturally to me – I’ve always loved words! That could explain why I majored in communication in college. But you don’t have to be a logophile to make use of words of affirmation. For instance, my husband’s primary love language isn’t words of affirmation, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t appreciate a well-placed word.

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Introduction

Do you know your spouse’s love language? If it’s “Words of Affirmation,” your words are especially powerful. In a Christian marriage, this takes on an even deeper significance, as the Bible repeatedly highlights the transformative power of words. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that “death and life are in the power of the tongue,” a truth that underscores how the words we choose can either build up or tear down those closest to us. When used thoughtfully and prayerfully, words of affirmation can reflect God’s love, offering encouragement, strength, and reassurance to your spouse.

Understanding this love language goes beyond simply offering compliments; it’s about speaking in a way that touches the heart and soul of your partner. Whether it’s through small daily affirmations or heartfelt expressions during challenging seasons, your words can act as a balm, reminding your spouse that they are cherished, supported, and seen. This blog post will explore how to use words of affirmation effectively in Christian marriage, grounded in both Scripture and intentionality, so you can truly speak love to your spouse in a way that honors both them and God.

Overview of Love Languages

The concept off five love languages, popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman, highlights the unique ways individuals express and receive love. These different languages include acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time, and words of affirmation. Understanding your spouse’s primary love language provides a key to their emotional well-being and strengthens the bond within your marriage. For some, words of affirmation are the most meaningful way to feel loved and valued, making the spoken word a cornerstone of their relational connection. Different love languages communicate love differently for everyone. For instance, while I appreciate holding hands or snuggling, physical touch is not in my top three for love languages. I feel more love when I have quality time with my spouse, receive words of affirmation, or when he does nice things for me (acts of service).

Also, our giving and receiving love languages might be very different. For instance, my husband’s #1 giving love language is gifts. He is a fantastic gift giver and gets great joy out of doing this. Yet receiving gifts is definitely NOT one of his receiving love languages. It’s just not that important to him. He doesn’t receive gifts well at all and would rather have physical touch or quality time.

Understanding your own love language as well as your partner’s is key to making the most of them. The best way to use a new skill is to learn all you can about it.

Not sure what your primary love language is or what your partner’s love language is? Take this free quiz sponsored by Dr. Chapman to find out. This love languages quiz will help you identify the primary expression of love that your spouse will understand and appreciate. Then you can look for different ways to show your spouse love using that love language.

Focus on “Words of Affirmation”

If your spouse’s love language is “Words of Affirmation,” it means they feel deeply cherished when you express love through appreciation and encouragement. This isn’t about shallow compliments or excessive praise—it’s about making your spouse feel understood and valued in meaningful ways and through using kind words.

In a Christian marriage, this love language takes on even greater significance as your words can reflect God’s love and become a source of spiritual encouragement.  Little things like thoughtful affirmations can serve as reminders of both your love and God’s unwavering care.

Biblical Examples of Affirming Speech

The Bible offers abundant examples of positive and affirming speech that can inspire your words. In the Song of Songs, expressions of admiration and love between partners are beautifully poetic, illustrating the power of tender words in a marital relationship. Proverbs continually emphasizes the impact of words, stating in Proverbs 16:24 that “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” These scriptures serve as a guide, encouraging spouses to use affirming words grounded in sincerity and truth.

Phrases to Start Using

Incorporating affirming phrases into your daily interactions can transform the emotional atmosphere of your marriage. For a starting point, consider expressions like:

• “I’m so proud of you for [specific achievement or effort].”
• “You are a blessing in my life, and I thank God for you every day.”
• “I see how hard you’re working, and I want you to know I appreciate you.”
• “You’re beautifully and wonderfully made, just as Psalm 139 describes.”
• “I love the way you [specific quality or action]. It inspires me.”

These phrases, tailored to your spouse’s personality and values, can reassure them of their significance to you and affirm their worth in Christ. Note that these examples are specific. Any time we are paying a compliment, encouraging someone, or praising someone, it’s much more authentic when it’s specific. So take a moment to really figure out what you want to say and then be clear with your words.

There are many creative ways to show your spouse you understand his language. This list will help you learn a new language and equip you with tools to begin using your partner’s language with regular practice.

Encouraging Without Flattery

As Christians, it’s important to affirm with sincerity rather than resort to flattery, which can be empty and untruthful. Genuine encouragement arises from recognizing your spouse’s God-given strengths and speaking life into their challenges. For example, instead of saying, “You’re perfect,” which may feel disingenuous, you might say, “I admire your patience and the way you trust God in this situation.” Such affirmations not only honor your spouse but also direct their attention toward the ultimate source of all strength and wisdom—God.

Conclusion

When you learn to affirm with sincerity and Scripture, you speak love straight to the heart. Words of affirmation, used thoughtfully and prayerfully, can deepen your marital connection and serve as a reflection of God’s love within your relationship. By embracing this love language, you nurture both your spouse’s spirit and the spiritual foundation of your union.

Resources

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Your Turn

What’s your favorite word of affirmation for your spouse? Tell us in the comments!

Peace,

🌸 Andrea

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