How to Practice Forgiveness in Your Marriage Through Faith

Forgiveness in your marriage is inevitable. Forgiveness is part of any relationship. The bottom line is that at one time or another we will end up hurting one another. If you’re a Christian, you’re called to forgive others. I know, it’s easier said than done. However, if God forgives all our sins and offences, then we need to find a way to forgive others when they hurt us. Here are some strategies and Scriptures to help you on your forgiveness journey. Let’s start with remembering the Lord’s Prayer that says, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespassed against us.” The two really do go hand in hand.

Here I’m specifically addressing how to forgive your spouse in a Christian marriage. While I’m focusing on marriage, these points apply to all relationships.

If you need more help with forgiveness, beyond what a blog article can do, I highly suggest checking out the Forgiving Forward program. They have helped countless people in the years they’ve been ministering. I attended one of their seminars and found it super helpful in my own areas of forgiveness.

Understanding Forgiveness in a Christian Context

Forgiveness in marriage is often misunderstood as simply letting go or pretending nothing happened, but in a biblical context, it means releasing the hurt into God’s hands and trusting Him to bring justice and healing. Holding onto resentment can poison the relationship, creating distance between spouses. By forgiving, you choose to break the cycle of bitterness and allow space for reconciliation.

• Forgiveness is an act of obedience, not emotion. The first step is realizing that forgiving our spouse isn’t about ignoring how they hurt us but is about following God’s command to forgive. Not sure how to do that? Ask the holy spirit to give you a spirit of forgiveness. Viewing forgiveness as an act of obedience is a central theme to the act of forgiveness.
• What forgiveness is and isn’t: Forgiveness is all about releasing resentment and entrusting justice to God, but it doesn’t mean condoning wrongdoing or forgetting the pain. When we choose to forgive someone we aren’t saying what they did is right, we are just releasing the payment for the wrong to God.
• Biblical foundation for forgiveness in marriage: Ephesians 4:32 (“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”) is a powerful verse when we are in need of healing and forgiveness.

Practical Example: I’m blessed that I have an agreement with my spouse that we do not engage in name calling in our marriage. However, there have been times he’s hurt me, generally by accident. But when he has hurt me, I start by acknowledging my feelings, pray for God’s strength to let go of resentment, and calmly discuss the situation without keeping a “scorecard.” I go to my husband and let him know my feelings were hurt and how/why. The healing process only begins when we get the hurt out in the open, first with God and then with our spouse.

Reflect on God’s Forgiveness

God’s forgiveness is unconditional and unlimited. When you reflect on how God has forgiven your sins—even when you didn’t deserve it—it provides the perspective needed to extend grace to your spouse. This doesn’t mean excusing wrongdoing, but it does mean seeing your spouse through the lens of God’s mercy.

• God’s example of grace: God extends boundless forgiveness to us, despite our imperfections (e.g., Colossians 3:13). There is NEVER a time he will not forgive us, no infraction or sin that he won’t forgive. Think about that for a minute. There is NOTHING that can separate us from the love of God.  Truly, the transformative power of forgiveness is amazing and it all comes from God.
• Acknowledge the depth of God’s forgiveness: When we spend time thinking about Christ’s sacrifice for us – his death on our behalf and his resurrection – we can be inspired to extend grace to our spouse. If Jesus went through all that for us, we can extend grace to those we love. God’s grace is boundless, and ours can be, too. By the way, not sure the difference between grace and mercy? Grace is when we get what we don’t deserve, mercy is when we don’t get what we do deserve. 
• Recognizing your own need for forgiveness: When we humbly think about how often we fall short of being a “good Christian” – the many ways we sin or neglect God every day – we can see that we all need to rely on God’s mercy. So we can extend grace and mercy to our spouse in the same way we want it from God.

Practical Example: Spend time reading and meditating on verses about God’s forgiveness, like Psalm 103:12: “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Let these truths remind you of the grace you’ve received and inspire you to give grace in return. ❤️

Communicate Honestly

You know this one is close to my heart. Clear and honest communication is essential for forgiveness and healing in marriage. When we don’t address how someone hurt us, it can fester and create greater conflict. By sharing your feelings openly and constructively, you allow your spouse to understand your perspective and begin the process of reconciliation.

• The importance of addressing hurt feelings: Unresolved pain can lead to bitterness and division. Share your pain with your spouse in a loving, honest way. But be careful to do this at the right time. None of us are receptive to serious conversations all the time. Find a time when the kids won’t interrupt and when you can focus on each other.
• How to express hurt without blame: I am sure you’ve heard about “I statements” before but they come in handy here. For instance, instead of “you make me mad when you say that you won’t help around the house” say “I felt hurt when you said you won’t help around the house. This hurts because… ”
• Ask for forgiveness when needed: I know this can be difficult but we need to model vulnerability by admitting wrongs and genuinely apologizing to our spouse. Our spouse isn’t the only one who does the hurting. Sometimes we say or do hurtful things, too. It’s times like that we need to own up and ask for forgiveness. Your marriage should be a safe space to ask for and offer forgiveness.
• 3. Communicate Honestly: Honesty is a powerful force in marriage. You have to make a conscious decision to say what you are really feeling. Doing so requires vulnerability. For reasons I can’t explain sometimes I don’t want to be vulnerable in my marriage. If I feel this way, I’m pretty sure you do, too. But this should be the relationship that we are the most vulnerable in. Take a leap and be honest about how you feel. It’s important to pray before a difficult conversation, to get your heart ready for it.  If you can’t break down the wall and insist on avoiding vulnerability in your marriage, you may need marital help. Here’s a resource to find a Christian counselor near you.

Practical Example: I know “I statements” feel awkward but they really work. When I focus on expressing my hurt this way instead of accusing my spouse of trying to hurt me, he listens much better. Then it’s a problem we can solve together. Try it today!

Pray for Strength and Guidance

Forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply isn’t easy. That’s why it’s important to invite God into the process. Praying for your spouse—even when you’re angry—allows God to soften your heart and give you the grace to move forward. Praying together strengthens your unity as a couple and reminds you both of God’s central role in your marriage.

• Ask God for a forgiving heart: Praying softens hearts and allows God to work through the process of healing. Ask for God’s help in feeling forgiveness and experiencing healing. Say something like this, “Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my unforgiving spirit. Thank you that you are the Father of Forgiveness. Thank you for forgiving every sin of mine. Please help me to have a spirit of forgiveness. Please work healing in me so I can love my spouse more today. Please help me to know that he doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings. Show me how to release this to you so I can be the best wife for my husband. In Jesus’s name, Amen.”
• Pray for your spouse as well: Even if your spouse hasn’t apologized, prayer can help release bitterness and bring peace. “Dear Lord, I know that you hurt for me when I’m hurting. I also know that my husband doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings. Please help me to feel kindness and love toward my spouse. Bring peace to my spirit. Turn him to you so he can try to be more like you. Lord, give me the grace to forgive my spouse and the wisdom to heal our marriage in Your love. I release my bitterness and anger to you and entrust any heart shifting on both our parts to you. In Jesus’s name, Amen.”

Practical Example: If you’re struggling with unforgiveness, start your prayer with honesty: “Lord, I’m finding it hard to forgive my spouse. Please help me release this pain and give me the wisdom to restore our relationship.” Then pray for your spouse’s well-being and your relationship’s healing. Talk to God as you would talk to a best friend. There are no “right words” to say – just be honest and then listen for the holy spirit to respond in your heart.

Take Action Steps Toward Rebuilding Trust

Forgiveness doesn’t automatically restore trust, especially if the offense was significant. Trust must be rebuilt gradually through consistent actions, open communication, and mutual effort. This process requires both spouses to commit to transparency and accountability in their relationship.

• Forgiveness is a starting point, not the finish line: After forgiving, couples must work together to rebuild trust through consistent, loving actions. Trust can take years of marriage to rebuild. Examine your own heart – are you ready to act in a trustworthy way to begin the process? Are you always judging his actions and words against the infraction? New beginnings start with letting go of the old. Act in a trustworthy way and reward your spouse’s efforts at trust, as well. Marriage is a two-way street.
• Practical trust-building tips:
  • Create clear, healthy boundaries to avoid repeating the offense.
  • Set time aside to reconnect emotionally and spiritually.
  • Commit to open and honest communication moving forward.
  • Adopt the spirit of Christ by becoming familiar with how He tells us to live. Read the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke & John) to learn more about how He said to live.
• Be patient with the process: Healing takes time, but small steps lead to a stronger, more resilient marriage. Negative emotions will arise sometimes during this process, and that’s okay. Release them back to God and focus on Him again.

Practical Example: If one spouse has broken trust (e.g., by hiding financial struggles), the offending partner can rebuild trust by being completely transparent about finances, seeking guidance, and demonstrating consistent change over time. The forgiving spouse can express gratitude for these efforts while acknowledging that rebuilding trust takes time. Seek professional help as needed based on the infraction.

Rely on Community Support

Sometimes, couples can’t navigate forgiveness alone, especially if the offense is deeply painful. Seeking wise counsel from a pastor, Christian marriage counselor, or trusted mentor can provide biblical guidance and tools for healing. Additionally, being part of a faith-based small group allows you to learn from others who have experienced and overcome similar struggles.

• Seek guidance from Christian mentors: A trusted pastor or marriage counselor can provide biblical wisdom and encouragement. Find someone you can confide in, but generally not a family member. They are too invested in you alone (not your spouse) to really be objective and help you.
• Join a marriage small group: Surrounding yourself with other faith-based couples can foster accountability and support. As your church if they offer small groups. If not, another local church might and perhaps you could join one of those. Be proactive about finding a group to come along side you. Restoration is hard work, so don’t go it alone.
• Share your testimony when ready: Your story of forgiveness can inspire and help others going through similar struggles. But wait to tell it until you have healed fully. Our stories are only helpful for others once we’ve come to the other side. During the healing process, learn from others’ stories.

Practical Example: A few years ago, we had a fracture in our marriage that was pretty major and affected trust in our relationship. We found a good local counselor and we began seeing him once a week. Now, over a decade later, we still use the skills we learned in those meetings to guide our relationship today.

The Blessings of Forgiveness in Marriage

Forgiveness in marriage brings tremendous spiritual and emotional rewards. It allows couples to experience peace, renew their commitment, and deepen their connection. Forgiveness also reflects God’s love, setting an example for children and others about the power of grace in relationships

• A renewed sense of peace and unity: Forgiveness lifts the weight of resentment, creating space for joy and intimacy. When we release someone from the hurt we feel, we are lighter and more able to love freely. The concept of forgiveness truly only makes sense within the context of our faith. The kingdom of God is filled with imperfect people needing forgiveness.
• Strengthening your spiritual connection: Forgiveness brings couples closer to God, aligning their relationship with His purpose. The healing journey starts by drawing close to God. Read and study the Bible together. Pray together.
• Modeling Christ’s love for your family: Your example of forgiveness can teach your children and others about the power of grace. Be honest about the fact that you struggle and also about the restoration of broken relationships. That testimony can help your family and friends to heal when they need it.

Practical Example: After forgiving each other, take time to reflect together on how God has worked in your marriage. Share what you’ve learned and make a plan to guard your relationship against future hurts by prioritizing prayer, communication, and acts of love.

I’m sorry that you have gone through something that needs forgiveness in your marriage. It’s a hard road, I won’t lie. But the reward at the other side is so worth the effort it takes. And honestly, God is at the center of it all. God’s mercy will see you through this time and grant you what you need to forgive the hurtful words and actions of your spouse. The importance of forgiveness is key to marriage since hurt is inevitable. Try joining a Bible study about biblical forgiveness or conduct one on your own. Understanding how to forgive goes a long way to being successful with it.

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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