Holding Grudges & Letting Go: Biblical Forgiveness & Healing

There is someone in my life who repeatedly hurts me. I think she means well, but her words always seem to belittle me. While I know holding grudges is not pleasing to God, the repeated wounds refuse to heal. I realize that letting go with forgiveness is the biblical response, but I also know that’s not always easy.

Perhaps you have someone in your life who hurts you, too. While there are communication tips I can share, I also want to share some thoughts from Scripture about holding grudges vs letting go with forgiveness.

At the end of the article, I’ve also included a list of Scriptures about forgiveness, letting go, and healing. Feel free to screenshot them for easy reference.

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Introduction

Holding onto grudges is a common response when we experience past hurts, betrayal, or harsh words—especially from close friends or family members. As human beings, we often believe that resentment protects us.

Yet God’s Word gently invites us into a better way—one that leads to healing, freedom, and God’s peace.

I’m not trying to minimize your pain or pretending wrongs never happened. It’s about understanding the importance of forgiveness through the lens of the Gospel message. It’s also about learning how the power of forgiveness restores our hearts in ways nothing else can.

Why We Hold Grudges

When someone wounds us—through evil speaking, a false witness, or the actions of a dishonest man—the natural reaction is anger. Scripture reminds us that the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God (James 1:20). But anger often feels justified, especially when a brother sins against us.

Jesus acknowledged this struggle. As the Son of Man, He understood emotional pain, betrayal, and injustice. We only have to read the Gospels to know that. But He also showed us that holding onto resentment—clinging to hard feelings, evil desire, or works of the flesh—ultimately harms us more than the one who hurt us.

Grudges create emotional turmoil, disrupt relationships, and block spiritual growth. They rob us of joy, distort our judgment, and prevent the renewal of your mind that God desires.

But looking at Jesus can help us heal through forgiveness.

Jesus’ Gentle Teaching on Forgiveness

In both the Old Testament and the New Testaments, forgiveness is not presented as weakness—it is strength shaped by love. The words of the Lord Jesus consistently point us toward mercy.

Jesus taught us to examine our own hearts first:

“First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

This is not condemnation, but a gentle reminder that humility matters. True forgiveness begins when we stop insisting on our own way and allow the Holy Spirit to bring a change of heart.

God’s Forgiveness as Our Foundation

We cannot talk about forgiving others without first reflecting on God’s forgiveness toward us. Through Christ Jesus, we have received mercy we did not earn. At the right hand of God, Jesus intercedes for us, offering grace instead of judgment.

Scripture reminds us:

“Be kind and compassionate… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

This is the only way true forgiveness becomes possible—not through willpower, but through the grace of God at work in us.

The Difference Between God’s Wrath and Human Anger

Many people struggle with forgiveness because they confuse justice with vengeance. The Bible makes a clear distinction between the wrath of God and the anger we act on in our own hands.

“Do not avenge yourselves… but leave room for God’s wrath.” (Romans 12:19)

When we cling to grudges, we are trying to do God’s job. Forgiveness is trusting our Heavenly Father to handle what we cannot. It means placing painful situations into God’s hands rather than demanding repayment ourselves.

 I realize this is not how most people respond. But that’s okay. Jesus said that His way is the narrow way. (Luke 13:24)

What True Forgiveness Is (and Is Not)

True forgiveness does not mean:

• Calling one evil “not that bad”
• Forgetting serious wrongdoing
• Automatically restoring trust
• Saying reconciliation must happen immediately
• Acknowledging that the infraction was okay

Forgiveness does mean:

• Releasing the right to retaliate
• Letting go of bitterness and resentment
• Choosing obedience to the will of God
• Allowing healing to begin
• Trusting God to handle the situation

Forgiveness is an act of faith—sometimes repeated daily. This is especially true in seasons of much affliction or trials of various kinds that test our hearts and produce endurance with full effect (James 1:2–4).

Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a process. Here are practical steps rooted in Scripture:

1. Bring the Hurt to God

Speak honestly with the Lord Jesus Christ through prayer. He already knows your pain. Ask for God’s help, wisdom, and strength.

2. Guard Your Words

A harsh word stirs up anger, but a soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). Be mindful of how resentment leaks into speech.

3. Release Judgment

Forgiveness means letting go of the desire to punish. It is choosing to leave room for God to act according to His perfect justice.

4. Renew Your Mind

Replace replayed offenses with God’s Word. Ask the Holy Spirit to reshape how you think and respond. Renewing our mind is part of the work of the Holy Spirit.

5. Walk It Out Daily

Forgiveness is often a daily decision—especially when wounds resurface.

Forgiveness and the Law of Christ

Jesus gave us a new commandment rooted in love:

“Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34)

This love fulfills the law of Christ. It is how we believers live in perfect harmony, showing compassion, humility, and patience—even when it’s hard.

The Apostle Paul encouraged believers to:

“Clothe yourselves with compassionate hearts… bearing with one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:12–13)

Examples of Forgiveness in Scripture

Throughout the Bible, we see powerful examples of forgiveness:

• Joseph forgiving his brothers (starting in Genesis 37)
• David sparing Saul (starting in 1 Samuel 24)
• Jesus forgiving those who crucified Him (Luke 23)

Each example points us back to God’s love, mercy, and the hope of restoration.

The Freedom Forgiveness Brings

Letting go of grudges, go of resentment, and go of bitterness doesn’t excuse sin. Rather, it frees your soul. Forgiveness opens the door to peace, healing, and renewed joy.

Forgiveness restores relationships where possible, brings clarity, and reflects the heart of a servant of God walking in obedience.

A Final Encouragement

Dear friends—beloved brothers, beloved brethren, and little children in the faith—if you are struggling with forgiveness today, you are not alone. Forgiveness is not a one-time event but a journey of grace.

Through the Gospel message, we are reminded that forgiveness leads us closer to the kingdom of heaven. There we find eternal life, and a life that reflects the character of Jesus.

May the Lord grant you good sense, peace, and strength. And may the good things He promises overflow in your life—pressed down, shaken together, and running over, in good measure.

If you continue to struggle with forgiveness, I highly recommend the Forgiving Forward program. I’m not an affiliate for them – I make no money if you sign up for their program. I’ve been though it, though, and it’s there I learned to forgive the person who repeatedly hurts me. I have confidence you can find healing there, too.

Scripture List: Bible Verses on Forgiveness, Letting Go, and Healing

These Bible verses offer encouragement for anyone wrestling with past hurts, anger, or the struggle to extend forgiveness of others. Read them slowly, prayerfully, and with an open heart as the Holy Spirit brings renewal and peace.

God’s Forgiveness Toward Us

• Ephesians 1:7 — “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of the grace of God.”
• Psalm 103:10–12 — God does not deal with us according to our sins but removes them as far as the east is from the west.
• Romans 5:8 — God demonstrates His love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ Jesus died for us.

These verses remind us that forgiveness begins with God’s love and mercy, not our performance.

Jesus’ Teachings on Forgiveness

• Matthew 6:14–15 — The Lord Jesus Christ teaches that forgiving others opens our hearts to receive God’s forgiveness.
• Matthew 18:21–22 — Jesus calls us to forgive not out of obligation, but from a transformed heart.
• Luke 23:34 — Even on the cross, the Son of Man prayed, “Father, forgive them,” showing the ultimate power of forgiveness.

The words of the Lord Jesus reveal that forgiveness flows from compassion, not denial of pain.

Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

• James 1:19–20 — Human anger does not produce the righteousness of God.
• Ephesians 4:31–32 — We are called to put away bitterness and anger and choose kindness and forgiveness.
• Proverbs 15:1 — A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

These Scriptures gently guide us away from hard feelings and toward peace.

Trusting God with Justice

• Romans 12:17–19 — “Do not repay anyone evil for evil… leave room for the wrath of God.”
• Deuteronomy 32:35 — God reminds His people that justice belongs to Him alone.
• Hebrews 10:30 — The Lord assures us that He sees every wrong and will act righteously.

When we forgive, we allow ourselves to release what we were never meant to carry in our own hands.

Forgiveness as Spiritual Growth

• Colossians 3:12–13 — Put on compassionate hearts, humility, patience, and forgiveness.
• Romans 12:2 — Be transformed by the renewal of your mind, learning to discern the will of God.
• Galatians 6:2 — Bearing one another’s burdens fulfills the law of Christ.

Forgiveness is not a loss—it is a step toward maturity, freedom, and spiritual growth.

God’s Peace and Healing

• Philippians 4:6–7 — The peace of God guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
• Isaiah 26:3 — God keeps in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him.
• John 14:27 — Jesus gives peace unlike the world offers.

When we let go, God’s peace takes its place.

A Closing Prayer

Heavenly Father, teach us to forgive as we have been forgiven. Heal the places still tender from past wounds. By Your Spirit, help us release bitterness and walk in the freedom of Your grace. In Jesus’ name, amen.

With love & Peace,

🌸 Andrea

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