Christian Marriage: Bible Verses About Putting Others First
I don’t want to put others first, even in my marriage. There, I said it. And I do feel bad saying it. But I want you to know that you’re not alone if you’re feeling that way, too.
This Christlike notion of putting others’ needs before our own is not something we come by naturally. It’s only possible if we put GOD first. Only then do we find it remotely possible to put our spouse’s needs before our own.
Introduction
In a world that constantly urges us to “put yourself first,” Christian marriage calls us to something far deeper—to reflect the love of God through sacrificial love and humility of mind (Philippians 2:3). The Word of God teaches that true love is not self-seeking but seeks the well-being of others (1 Corinthians 13:5). This kind of love mirrors Christ’s example, who “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).
When husbands and wives intentionally regard others—their spouse—above their own interests or vain conceit (Philippians 2:3), they allow the power of the Holy Spirit to transform their daily lives. This doesn’t mean neglecting your own needs but rather walking in humility value others and seeking the interests of others out of true love.
Humility: The Foundation of a Loving Marriage
Verse:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.” — Philippians 2:3–4 (NIV)
Insights:
This is the verse that most of us think of as the “putting others firsts” verse. And it sounds great when applied to other people’s marriages. But let’s be real.
Doing this in our own marriage is hard. We would rarely agree that our motives are out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Yet the Holy Spirit sees our hearts.
Most people use that verse as a way to excuse bad behavior. Like, “I didn’t mean to offend her. God knows my heart.” My pastor used to caution us when he said, “Yes, God sees our hearts. And we should all be very repentant.”
I say all this to point out that while we may not feel like our motives are selfish or vain, the truth is, they often are. To counteract our natural, human tendencies, God tells us to act from lowliness of mind regard rather than from our own advantage.
When we do that, we reflect the humility of Christ Jesus. A humble person in marriage seeks unity in the community of the Spirit, placing the needs of their spouse above own personal interests.
Prayer:
“Lord Jesus, help me walk in humility and count my spouse as more significant than myself. Teach me to value my spouse’s needs and desires as You value mine. Amen.”
Christ’s Example: The Ultimate Sacrifice
Verse:
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus…” — Philippians 2:5 (NKJV)
Insights:
The Son of God gave the ultimate sacrifice by laying down His life for us. This kind of love—selfless, unconditional, and sacrificial—is the model for how we love within marriage. When we put others first, we honor Christ’s example and bring glory to the name of the Lord Jesus.
I understand that all too often in marriage our human nature pressures us to do what we want, to meet our needs first. But God’s plan calls us to serve one another and put their needs first. Christ died because His eyes were on us and not Himself.
What does this look like in everyday life? Maybe having the mind of Christ means that we make dinner instead of ordering out because our spouse loves a good homecooked meal. Maybe it means listening when we really want to read our book. Perhaps having the mind of Christ means that we stay up for a while for some physical intimacy instead of going right to sleep.
Honoring Christ in our marriage can be done in countless ways every day – when we take our eyes off what we want and see through the eyes of our spouse instead.
Prayer:
“Father, thank You for showing me greater love through Your Son. Help me love my spouse as Christ loved the church—with patience, kindness, and humility. Amen.”
Loving Others as an Act of Worship
Verse:
“The first commandment is this: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart…’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” — Mark 12:30–31 (NIV)
Insight:
When we love our spouse with sacrificial love, we obey the first commandment and reflect God’s love in our home. Loving others—especially our family members—is not only a sign of spiritual maturity but also an act that pleases God.
In a practical sense, this kind of love means showing good measure of grace, offering forgiveness, and putting your spouse in first place. When we do this, we become good stewards of God’s love. These kinds of sacrifices are pleasing to Him because they let the light shine of that comes from God’s character in our marriage.
Prayer:
“Dear Lord, may my marriage reflect Your heart. Help us love one another deeply and live each day in obedience to Your Word. Let our home overflow with the love of Christ. Amen.”
Living for the Kingdom of God Through Service
Verse:
““The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’.” — Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
Insights:
A Christ-centered marriage is one that advances the Kingdom of God through helping others. When we serve our spouse with joy, we serve in the name of the Lord Jesus and become living examples of the Son of Man, who came not for His own advantage but for the interests of others.
The words of the Lord Jesus remind us that “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Each time you extend a helping hand or a gentle word, you reflect God’s love and store up treasure in heaven that leads to eternal life.
While “the least of these” refers to our community, it also applies to our family. Helping our kids can be an act of service. Saying a gentle word instead of a harsh one can be an act of service.
This weekend, plan a family dinner. During that time, ask each person what you could do to help them. Write the ideas down, then get busy planning your help. Most people don’t have a ready list, so be prepared with some questions to get them thinking.
Prayer:
“Holy Spirit, empower me to serve with joy and love. Help me see my spouse’s needs and respond with compassion. Use our marriage for the glory of Your Kingdom. Amen.”
Conclusion
Putting others first in Christian marriage isn’t easy—but it is holy. It reflects the love of God, the law of Christ, and the heart of the Son of Man. When we practice humility, seek the needs of others, and serve with sacrificial love, we demonstrate the kind of love that changes hearts and homes.
As you live out your faith every day, remember that every act of service, every humble choice, and every moment of patience is a reflection of the Word of God alive in you. Let your light shine before your spouse and the world, so they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).
Final Prayer:
“Lord Jesus, help me walk in Your humility and serve my spouse with joy. Let our marriage reflect Your love, strengthen our bond, and bring glory to Your name’s sake. Amen.”
Reflection: Living Out Humility in Marriage
Take a few moments today to quiet your heart before the Lord and invite the power of the Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts.
Reflect:
- In what ways have I been seeking my own interests rather than the interests of others in my marriage this week?
- How can I regard others—especially my spouse—with greater humility and love today?
Prayer:
“Dear Lord Jesus, teach me to walk in lowliness of mind and count others more significant than myself. Help me see my spouse through Your eyes of love. Let Your word of God shape my words and actions, that our marriage may reflect the Kingdom of God. Amen.”
Want to go deeper?
Click here to download the free 5-Day Reflection Guide: Putting Others First in Marriage
Peace,
🌸 Andrea
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I am an author, speaker, and communication professor. My specialty is teaching people how to have successful, faith-based relationships. My passion is to teach people how to live out Scripture in healthy relationships, especially at home. I've been married for 29 years and have two boys - ages 19 and 15. I love to bake to show my love, so you'll sometimes see favorite recipes!
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