Biblical Communication Tips for a Fresh Marriage This Spring

Jesus Christ is the Great Communicator. He always knew what to say, when, and how to say it. We can learn a lot about how to communicate in all our relationships by looking to Him. This is even more true when we look at the entire Bible as our guide to successful communication in marriage.

Introduction

As the world awakens from its winter sleep and nature begins to bloom, spring brings with it the promise of renewal and new beginnings. For couples, it’s the perfect time to reflect on their relationship, identify communication challenges, and embark on a journey to rebuild and strengthen their bond. Common issues such as miscommunication, unresolved conflicts, or harsh words can create barriers in marriage, but with the right strategies and a willingness to grow together, these obstacles can be overcome. This season, let’s embrace the transformative power of biblical principles to mend and enhance marital communication, paving the way for a fresh start and a thriving relationship.

Recognizing Communication Barriers

Everyday life makes it easy to say things we later regret. Between the demands of work, home care, marriage effort, childcare, extracurricular activities, and self-care, words sometimes slip out that we wish we could take back. Common issues such as miscommunication, unresolved conflicts, or harsh words take root in many marriages, and it can be difficult to know how to come back from them.

If we take a time for honest self-reflection we can identify our role in these communication barriers. Through prayer and honest, clear thinking we can get a fresh perspective on how our communication has been in the previous season. During this time of self-reflection, we should also think about our partner’s communication. When we try to see situations from his/her point of view, we can arrive at a mutual understanding. This mutual understanding helps us to have empathy for what our spouse is going through. Everyone has unique life experiences and particularly in young families it can be difficult to take the time to really see the world from another’s perspective. But relationship and spiritual growth happen when we bring our relationships to the Lord and let the Holy Spirit speak to us about them.

Once we know what we said, how we could have said it better, and understand where our spouse is coming from, we are ready for a fresh start.

Biblical Strategies for Healing and Reconciliation

Healing and reconciliation after harsh words are essential for a healthy marriage. There are various ways to heal, but here I’m going to focus on two biblical principles.

• Scripture: Ephesians 4:2 – “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
• Scripture: Colossians 3:13 – “Bear with each other and forgive one another…”.

The first verse tells us to be humble (putting others first) and gentle (not saying harsh words); to be patient by bearing with one another in love. These guidelines are a first step in rebuilding a personal connection with your spouse. When we put him/her first, put his/her needs ahead of our own, we are living the way Jesus did. He was always putting people first. Not sure? Read Luke and pay attention to how Jesus interacted with people. We could camp out on this verse for a long time and still only scratch the surface of how to communicate this way with our spouse.

The next verse brings it together and tells us to forgive one another. Having trouble with forgiveness? Check out the Forgiving Forward program. I’ve participated in this program and it paves the way to truly forgive those who have hurt us. If you understand the principles of forgiveness, put them into practice. A lot of people say they forgive, but they continue to hold the infraction against their loved one. That’s not forgiveness. When we truly forgive we release the person from “owing” us for the infraction. I urge you to use your self-reflection time to search your heart to see if you need to do some spouse forgiving in your prayer time this week. Your relationship will have new life once you get rid of those old hurts, I promise!

When we forgive others we extend grace to them. Grace is giving someone what they don’t deserve. Yes, they hurt you. And yes, you want them held accountable. But Scriptures says God will hold them accountable. You can let it go with Him. Offer love and forgiveness as an act of grace for your spouse. Spring is a great time to shed the weight of old unforgiveness and embrace the new life of grace and love. It’s hard work, but totally worth it!

Steps to Rebuild Effective Communication

If you’ve had a season of poor communication, there are various ways you can get back in the habit of effective communication.

Time Out

First, establish a “time-out” protocol for heated moments. This is a great way to calm down, pray for guidance, and reconnect. Just say, “I am starting to get upset and I need a few minutes to calm down and refocus. Let’s met up again in 10 minutes.” Then grab the dog and go for a quick prayer walk. Pray about the situation and how you can engage and respond in a Godly way.

Couple’s Prayer

You can also engage in couple’s prayer sessions. Many churches offer these. It’s a great safe place to share your marital needs and hear what others are going through. Sometimes knowing that others are going through something similar helps us in our own marriage. Your church doesn’t have one? That’s okay, you can start one!

Marriage Workshop

You can also attend a marriage workshop. Family Life, Winshape, and Gateway all offer great biblical, research-based marital conferences. I urge you to check one out!

Listening

In the meantime, there are some practical communication skills to begin implementing. First is effective listening. I can’t stress enough how important it is to really listen to understand your spouse. When we listen to understand where our spouse is coming from we are living out the verse from Ephesians above – we’re being humble and gentle.  

Speak from the Heart

We also want to speak from the heart. Speaking from the heart means that we are speaking honestly and with love. In order to speak from the heart we need to know how we really feel about any given topic. It’s important to do some searching inside to find out how you really feel about an issue so you can share it effectively with your spouse.

Tone of Voice

Finally, maintain a respectful tone. Our tone of voice communicates LOTS of information about how we really feel. It’s difficult to control our tone, but if we have a spirit of self-control (given by the Holy Spirit – see Galatians 5 for more about this) then we can do this. Work on it a little bit every day and I promise it will get easier.

Conclusion

As you work on all these tips for successful communication from a biblical view, plan a weekly check-in. I love lunch dates for these conversations. Take time to identify the skills you’ve been working on and talk about how it’s going. Be lovingly honest. If your partner hasn’t been doing great with it, don’t tell him that he’s terrible at it. Pick one thing he did well and explain that you’d like more of that kind of communication. Research shows people will repeat behavior that is rewarded.

When you get it right, celebrate! Have a special piece of cake or take time out of your busy lives to watch movie together. Go on a date to celebrate or buy some balloons. Do something to acknowledge the progress you’ve made.

Biblical principes are transformative for mending marital communication. Practice Ephesians 4:2 and Colossians 3:13 every day. When we practice with little things it becomes easier to implement the skills with bigger issues.

Remember to practice time-outs, consider attending a couple’s prayer group or marriage retreat, focus on listening to understand while you speak from the heart and watch your tone of voice.

Pick one specific change you will implement this week and get started. Let us know in the comments where you will start!

Peace,

🌸 Andrea

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