7 Effective Strategies to Fight for Your Marriage

Last Updated on August 12, 2024 by Andrea

I can remember when I felt like the spark has dimmed in my marriage. It felt like my husband and I were drifting apart. Can you relate? Don’t worry, because there are effective strategies you can use to fight for your marriage and reignite the flame. In this article, we will explore seven proven techniques that can help you revive the love and passion in your relationship.

Communication is the key to any successful marriage, and that’s why our first strategy focuses on improving your communication skills.

Another vital strategy is to prioritize quality time together. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy for couples to get caught up in their busy schedules and neglect their relationship. We’ll discuss the importance of carving out dedicated time for each other and engaging in activities that foster connection and intimacy.

From rekindling the romance to embracing vulnerability, each strategy is designed to help you fight for your marriage and create a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.

Why It’s Important to Fight for Your Marriage

Quite honestly, if you don’t fight for it, the enemy will fight against it. Today’s world can be anti-marriage and it’s difficult to stay focused. We need to fight for the vows we took and stay on course for a lifetime of marriage. It may not always be ‘marital bliss’ but it can be the most rewarding relationship we ever have.

When we fight for our marriage, we are focused on it. We are solving problems, addressing issues, celebrating the joys, and making plans for the future. We fight by not giving up, avoiding looking at other men, and continuing to try, even when we don’t want to.

What follows are seven ways you can fight for your marriage. These skills and actions are simple to implement, so let’s get started.

Communication: The Foundation of a Strong Marriage

My entire site is dedicated to helping people see how communication can strengthen their families, so this will be a short section. Check out this list of communication focused articles for more details.

Communication is the exchange of ideas. It involves (generally) two or more people. The challenge comes in when my ideas fly in the face of your ideas. That’s when conflict happens. We’ll look at that more later.

Know how you feel

One of the most frequent problems I see in marriage is that we talk but don’t really know how we feel about a given topic. Successful communication requires us to really think before we speak. Know your own mind before talking. And if you need a minute to think, take one. Just say, “I need a second to think before I say any more.” And respect your spouse when he asks for time to think, too.

My husband doesn’t ask for time to think, he just doesn’t answer. I know that when he’s being quiet, he’s thinking. He always comes around later to revisit the topic with his thoughts. So get to know your spouse’s communication style and that will help go a long way toward understanding each other.

Building Trust in your Marriage

Psalm 37:5 ESV says “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” We build trust by first trusting God. He led you to this person, so trust God’s plan.

Next, building trust in our marriage is crucial for marital success. We build trust when we do what we say we will do, when we listen to understand, when we care for our spouse’s feelings and emotions, and when we keep private matters private.

Moreover, trust deepens when we consistently communicate with honesty and transparency, showing our partner that they can rely on us. Practicing empathy by putting ourselves in our spouse’s shoes helps to foster a stronger emotional connection.

Celebrating each other’s successes and supporting each other through challenges also plays a vital role in nurturing trust. Finally, making time for each other and maintaining intimacy strengthens the bond that fuels a trustworthy relationship.

Keeping the Romance Alive: Date Nights and Quality Time

I’m a big fan of dates! Whether it’s a lunch date or a dinner date, or even a coffee date, these times provide connection points that are often lost in the day-to-day hustle of life.

Lunch dates

Lunch and coffee dates provide great opportunities for taking care of business. I generally bring a list of talking points to these dates. We can make decisions, focus on priorities, and connect over topics that our busy life doesn’t allow for.

Dinner dates

Dinner dates tend to be more for romance. Dress up a bit and head to dinner. Even if it’s cheap! When our kids were little and we had no money, dates were on the back porch after the kids went to bed. Do what you have to do, but dress up and eat a meal together without the kids.

Quality time

Quality time is time spent doing something that isn’t a date. Working on projects around the house, making dinner together, even watching a show or movie, all count toward quality time. The important point is to be together. It’s okay if the kids are around, but focus on the fact that you are together.

When we spend some time focused on our spouse we are prioritizing that person. We are saying, “You’re important to me and I enjoy spending time with you.” When we spend time with him, we are getting to know him better, even if we’ve been together for 30 years! By spending time together, you are fighting for your marriage by not letting outside forces interfere with remembering what you love about each other.

Want to know more? Check out these articles for the importance of dates.

Conflict Resolution: Healthy Ways to Handle Disagreements

Conflict is a huge issue in marriage. While this topic is much bigger than I can go into here, I have a longer article dedicated to conflict here. Check it out!

What is conflict?

At its most basic, conflict happens when we have incompatible goals with someone. I want one thing, they want something else. Whether he wants ice cream and you want tres leches cake or he wants to use time out and you want to spank, it’s all conflict.

And when we engage in conflict we have two areas we can focus on – our needs and the other person’s needs. The best conflict outcomes happen when we focus on BOTH sets of needs – ours and theirs.

Conflict resolution: win-win

This strategy is called win-win. While it’s the best, it’s rarely used because it relies on successful communication and can take some time. This conflict resolution technique requires knowing what each of you want, then finding a creative solution to allow both of you to have what you want.

So, maybe you visit two places for dessert – one for ice cream and one for tres leches – then bring them home and eat dessert in bed. (That’s our favorite place to have dessert!)

Maybe you agree to use time-outs for certain infractions and spanking for others. And you agree to what the guidelines look like for each.

Whatever you do – solve the conflict!

The important part is navigating the conflict and not letting it fester. Brushing a conflict under the rug doesn’t get rid of it – it just makes it difficult to walk around. So get it out there, talk about it, figure out what you each want, and be creative about solutions. When you successfully handle conflict, you are fighting for your marriage.

The Power of Forgiveness & Letting Go of Grudges

Forgiveness is important in all relationships. The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness. Essentially, we need to forgive each other. God forgave us through Jesus Christ, so we forgive others.

I know. This is a tough call sometimes.

I’m going to stick with general forgiveness here. If you have a critical situation, and can’t seem to get past it, get help.

Unforgiveness hurts US

When we forgive we release the person from their hold on us. We often think forgiveness is for the person who hurt us, but it’s really for us. When we let it go through forgiveness, we really let it go. We don’t keep holding on to it for another day.

There are issues I have to keep forgiving over time. It’s not a one-and-done situation all the time. But that’s okay. I keep going back to the Cross and giving my issue with the person to God. I forgive again, as He has forgiven me.

How to forgive

Not sure how to forgive? Forgiving Forward is a great program to help you learn effective steps to releasing the transgression and forgiving someone. I’ve been through this program at our church and I highly recommend it!

As far as grudges are concerned, don’t keep them. Here’s an article about why they are so bad for marriage. Basically, though, when we hold a grudge we are holding ourselves hostage to someone else. It doesn’t hurt them at all, doesn’t teach a lesson, doesn’t heal the hurt.

We successfully fight for our marriage when we choose to forgive and release the hurts to God.

Prioritizing Self Care and Individual Growth in your Marriage

Lots of marriages fail because people think they grew apart. But people are always growing. When we fight for your marriage you learn to grow WITH your spouse, even as you grow as a person.

We are the best version of ourselves when we take care of our own needs. I have to be honest, I hate the phrase, “self care.” But I agree with the intent. We need to stop beating ourselves up and be good to ourselves. Here is a list of some ways you can be good to yourself.

You can also take time to learn something new, let yourself off the hook, start a hobby (alone or with your husband), read a book, start a book club, join a Bible study…the list is endless! Just don’t be stagnant. Be the best YOU possible and you’ll be able to fight for your marriage.

The Role of Intimacy and Maintaining a Healthy Physical Connection

I don’t post on intimacy much. I’m not a sexpert or anything. But I do know that physical touch is crucial for a successful marriage.

Whether you are holding hands, give each other a love tap when you walk by, kissing, or making love, touch is an action that brings you together. It’s hard to be angry when you’re touching each other lovingly. When we fight for our marriage, we ensure we are keeping in touch physically.

Even if physical touch is not your love language, it’s still important for marriage. Don’t love to be touched? Here’s an article about the importance of kissing in marriage.

I have one friend who swears by regular sex that is actually on the calendar. With my husband’s crazy work schedule we simply fit it in when time allows, but we make it a priority. That means sometimes the time is right (no kids home, we both have energy) even when we could be doing something else. That’s ok! We make the time because we know it’s so important for our marriage. It draws us together in a way that is (or should be) unique to marriage.

Conclusion: Reigniting the Flame and Creating a Lifelong Partnership

Fighting for your marriage happens when you communicate well, build trust, have quality time, handle conflict successfully, forgive, prioritize growth, and have physical connection. Doing these things, especially prioritizing your marriage, will help to reignite your flame. And we all want a healthy marriage that is filled with love and connection.

What’s your favorite way to fight for your marriage? Let us know in the comments section!

Peace,

🌸 Andrea

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