5 Godly Communication Skills To Improve Your Marriage

Introduction

Do you need some communication skills to improve your marriage? Time and again, communication is often cited as a major challenge in marriage. And if you’ve been married for any length of time, you know that when communication is good, it’s very good. But when communication is bad, it’s very bad.

I know this in my own marriage. Communication is at the heart of all we do. It is the root of some problems but also the solution to those very problems.

It’s important to have God-honoring conversations in a thriving marriage. What does this mean? It means we communicate in a way that is pleasing to God: we put the other person first, we speak with kindness, we practice forgiveness, and we extend grace and mercy to each other. Good communication skills are only helpful when they are practiced. We need to be in the habit of using these skills regularly so we can be improving our marriage daily.

The five habits I’ll cover in this post are speaking with love and grace, listening with intentionality, praying before difficult conversations, resolving conflict quickly, and sharing spiritual life together. Together these five skills will help you improve your marriage and keep your focus where it needs to be – on God. Better communication skills come from practice. Let’s get started!

5 Skills to Improve Your Marriage

1.      Speak with Love and Grace

There are many biblical communication tips for couples. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” This verse challenges couples to be mindful of their words, ensuring that what they say fosters encouragement and healing rather than harm. I love this verse because it’s all about communication. And honestly, we need this reminder every day. It’s so easy to say things that hurt others, but this verse reminds us how to speak with love and grace in marriage. This type of communication will only help your relationships.

Encouraging Phrases to Strengthen Your Marriage:

• “I appreciate how hard you work for our family.” (I try to remember to say this to my husband fairly frequently.)
• “Thank you for being patient with me today.” (Sadly, I need to say this one more often than I do.)
• “I’m proud of how you handled that situation.” (This one works well with kids, too.)

Effective interpersonal skills include acknowledging the other person. One of the best ways to do that is to use words that uplift your spouse. Doing this creates an atmosphere of love and grace in your marriage. When disagreements arise, avoid sarcastic or accusatory remarks and focus on expressing feelings constructively. Even more importantly, pray before speaking. I find that God often tells me to leave my frustrations with Him instead of spewing them on the ones I love.

2.      Listen with Intentionality

Being a good listener takes intentionality. Successful communication is rooted in effective listening. James 1:19 (My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry) reminds us that it’s more important to listen than to speak. We learn more when we hear what others have to say than when we share what we think. When we are a good listener, we really focus on what the other person is saying. The challenge is that while they are talking, we have thoughts of our own. I keep a paper handy so I can jot down my thoughts while someone is talking and that way, I don’t have to keep thinking about it all – my notes take the place of the thinking so I can focus on what my spouse is saying. This works especially well during serious conversations like parenting or financial discussions. When we are having a less serious discussion sometimes I’ll just silently pray that God would remind me of the thoughts later when it’s my turn to talk .

Listening and the Senses

Listening is not just about hearing words but understanding the heart behind them. Intentional listening fosters empathy, patience, and deeper connection. We listen with our eyes and ears. We listen for words as well as tone of voice and inflection. But we listen with our eyes by watching the other person’s nonverbal communication to know what is going on behind the words. Poor communication often results from a lack of listening. So pay close attention to your spouse and be a good listener.

Christian Marriage Tips for Active Listening:

• Paraphrase: Repeat back what your spouse says to confirm understanding, such as, “So you’re saying you felt unappreciated when…”
• Ask Clarifying Questions: Show interest by asking, “Can you tell me more about how you felt?” (I use this one a lot with my kids.)
• Be Fully Present: Eliminate distractions like phones or TV during conversations and make eye contact to show attentiveness. Pray before and during serious conversations so you are focused on God and your spouse.
• Pay attention to non-verbal communication: Watch your spouse’s body language so you know if he is getting overwhelmed or overcome with negative emotion. If so, take a break and cool down, then come back and keep at it. Great communicators know when to take a break.

Practicing these habits helps create a safe space for honest dialogue in your marriage. When you each know that the other will listen with a willing heart, it’s easier to be vulnerable and share what you’re really feeling. When we do these things, we are building connection through intentional listening.

3.      Pray Before Difficult Conversations

Praying before a difficult conversation in marriage is essential for success. Seeking God’s guidance can bring clarity and peace. We can only truly set aside our own needs when we are focusing on God’s plan. We only know God’s plan by asking Him and staying tuned in to Him. Once you’ve been doing this for a while it’s easy to see how prayer strengthens martial communication. When you pray together before a difficult conversation you are joining together in Christ and finding common ground.

Here’s a simple prayer plan for challenging talks: begin with thanking God for who He is and for His perfect plan for your marriage, then move to repenting of any sin in yoru faith life and your marriage, move to your needs for your marriage and the upcoming conversation (this is not the time to get in subtle digs, just pray openly for what you are going to talk about), finally wrap up by thanking God in advance for how He will answer your prayers. Remember prayer is really just a conversation with God. There’s no need to be flowery and fancy.

Pray Before Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of marriage but approaching them prayerfully can transform tension into an opportunity for growth. By seeking God’s guidance, couples can gain clarity, wisdom, and peace before addressing sensitive topics. Philippians 4:6 encourages believers to bring every concern to God in prayer.

Simple Prayer Outline for Challenging Talks:

• Start with Gratitude: “Lord, thank You for the gift of my spouse and our marriage.”
• Move to Repentance: “Lord, I’m sorry for the times I’ve neglected you and my marriage.”
• Ask for Guidance: “Please give me wisdom and patience as we discuss this issue.”
• Seek Peace: “Help us approach this conversation with love and humility, keeping You at the center.”
• Express Thanks: “Lord, we know you want our marriage to be strong in you. Thank you in advance for the way you will move in our conversation to bring us closer to you and to each other.”

When both spouses pray together before discussing difficult matters, it invites the Holy Spirit to guide your words and attitudes. And when the Holy Spirit is guiding your word and attitudes you can’t go wrong! The Holy Spirit is so much wiser than our own feelings.

4.      Resolve Conflict Quickly

Strong relationships resolve conflict quickly and with a mind for Christ. In the long term, we are the most effective communicator when we are listening well, addressing issues honestly and quickly, and handling conflict directly. When we handle conflict well, we are building trust in our marriage. We learn that conflict doesn’t have to devolve into anger and hurt feelings. Rather, we learn that conflict is merely a difference that needs ironing out. And when we are both on the same team, we are not opponents.

Ephesians 4:26 gives us conflict resolution tips when it reminds us ““In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” This verse is clear that we aren’t supposed to let anger fester or linger. And to be clear, anger and conflict do not have to be best friends. A conflict is simply a difference of needs or goals. I’ll show you here how to resolve marital conflict biblically. Clear communication during conflict is key to success.

Holding onto anger can lead to bitterness and distance in your marriage. Instead, addressing conflicts promptly and respectfully prevents small disagreements from escalating. It’s when conflict escalates that we tend to get angry. So identify differences in needs or goals early. Then address them with love and honesty.

Christian strategies for addressing anger in marriage

• Know your mind: It’s important to know where you stand on issues before you begin talking about them. Conflict is really a difference or discrepancy in needs or goals so know what you need or what your goal is before talking. I like to write this down so I don’t get sidetracked by other thoughts.
• Use “I” Statements: Focus on expressing how you feel rather than blaming your spouse. For example, “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You always…”
• Take a Break if Needed: If emotions run high, agree to pause and revisit the discussion once both of you feel calmer. Watch for nonverbal signals that your partner needs a break, too.
• Focus on the Issue, Not the Person: Avoid bringing up past grievances or attacking your spouse’s character. When we bring up old issues this is called kitchen sinking. It’s very unhealthy. If time has passed, let it go. If it’s still an issue, then save it for a future conversation.
• Have Positive Body Language: Remember not to be angry looking and negative with your non-verbal cues. You want to be open and loving with your spouse. Don’t sit with your arms crossed, angled away from your spouse. Rather, hold hands and face each other. Look at each other with clear eye contact. Pay attention to each other’s nonverbal cues.

By resolving conflicts quickly, couples can maintain peace and protect their marriage from unnecessary strain. These faith-based strategies for resolving conflict will help you build a stronger marriage as you build trust and resolve issues.

5.      Share Spiritual Life Together

Strong marriages have God at the center. They talk about Scripture, they read the Bible together, and they pray together. Regular discussions about faith, Bible study, and spiritual goals are at the center of these marriages. God wants us to keep His word at the forefront of our minds and relationships (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). A strong spiritual connection is a cornerstone of a thriving Christian marriage. It’s easier to know how to grow spiritually as a couple when you are in the Word regularly as an individual. Begin your day with prayer and study.

Christian habits for sharing faith in marriage include worship, study, reading Scripture, talking about what you’re reading and learning, and regular prayer. While this seems like a lot, it contributes to Paul’s admonition to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17).  

Ways to Share Your Spiritual Journey:

• Daily Devotions: Spend time reading and discussing Scripture together.
• Pray Together: Make it a habit to pray as a couple for guidance, blessings, and challenges.
• Set Spiritual Goals: Decide on faith-related goals as a team, like serving in church ministry or reading through the Bible in a year. You could also set prayer goals like praying daily before bed or committing to pray for each other during the day.

Sharing your spiritual life builds unity and ensures that God remains the foundation of your marriage.

Bible verses for building spiritual intimacy in marriage:

 Romans 15:5 (NLT)

“May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.”

Colossians 3:13

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Mark 10:45

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”

James 1:19

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry…

Jeremiah 29:11

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

1 Peter 4:8

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

Conclusion:

I hope you found this article helpful. The five strong communication skills to improve your marriage include speaking with love and grace, listening with intentionality, praying before difficult conversations, resolving conflicts quickly, and sharing spiritual life together. Each of these alone can help you to have clear communication that transforms your marriage. These effective communication techniques will help you stay focused on God and His plan while you work toward a common goal in your relationship – a solid marriage that lasts a lifetime.

Here’s your challenge – practice one of these skills with intentionality this week. Pick just one area to work on. You can do this alone or make an agreement with your spouse to work on it. Then go for it! Make the changes, do the steps, commit. Over time your communication style will reflect these skills and your marriage will be stronger for it.

With love,

🌸 Andrea

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